Chronicles of a Legend - The Rebirth of a Legend
by Pinoko K
Summary: Part 2 of the trilogy. The long lost hero resurfaces after two years. But her sudden appearance raises too many questions and suspicions. Rejected by her previous allies, Shepard is now forced to work with the enemies to take down another threat to the galaxy while fighting an internal battle on her own.
1. Prologue: The Rebirth of a Legend

Chronicles of a Legend: The Rebirth of a Legend. Part 2 of the trilogy. The long lost hero resurfaces after two years. But her sudden appearance raises too many questions and suspicions. Rejected by her previous allies, Shepard is now forced to work with the enemies to take down another threat to the galaxy while fighting an internal battle on her own. Meanwhile, Kaidan's world once again crumbled with words of Shepard's reappearance reach him.

A/N: This is part 2 of a trilogy, Chronicles of a Legend. Like part 1, I don't have a beta reader, so please excuse any typos and mistakes. You can reach me through pinoko19 at gmail, or tumblr under pinoko_k, or just leave a note here. Love to hear from you. Now, let's continue Aerin Shepard's story.

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.

Chronicles of a Legend

Part II: The Rebirth of a Legend

Prologue

Year: 2186CE

Location: Alliance Headquarters, Vancouver

Another pointless session, another hour wasted while the Reapers were still out there. Shepard had no choice but to sit down in this comfortable chair across from the psychiatrist the Alliance had assigned to 'evaluate her mental state' before she could be reinstated. Shepard almost snorted at that excuse; it was nothing more than a candy-coated, softer approach of an interrogation.

How long did the Alliance need to interrogate her before they decided to believe her that the Reapers were coming? It'd been almost six months since she had voluntarily returned to the headquarters and handed over her Normandy, Shepard's patience had ran thin. An impending invasion was coming, and the brass still refused to open their eyes and smell the shit. Instead, they insisted on monitoring every second of her life here in the detention center, even assigning a young marine to be her guard as if she could escape the Alliance fortress unarmed. While Shepard was flattered they overestimated her combat prowess, she couldn't help but frown at their collective intelligence. If she wanted to escape, why would she even bother to turn herself in six month ago?

Although Shepard did feel sorry for the young marine who was assigned to be her glorified babysitter. Right now, outside this office, James Vega must be bored out of his mind waiting for this session to end before he could escort her back to her cell.

_You and me both, Vega._

"You've been through a lot in your life," Dr. Troy started with her soothing voice. "But none can be as traumatizing as dying."

Shepard turned her attention to the psychiatrist with a neutral expression. She merely nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Shepard maintained her composure despite her elevated heart rate. "The details are in the report, I'm sure."

"But those are just facts. How do you feel about that event?"

"How do I feel?" Shepard shook her head with a tiny smirk. "Let me tell you, Doctor, there's no light at the end of the tunnel. And if I had been to heaven or hell, I don't remember anything when I woke up on an operating table with two years of my life gone. So how do I feel about dying?" She snorted. "It's a waste of time."

"I sense anger in you."

"Wouldn't you be angry? I'm not angry because I died, I'm angry because those two years I've lost, I could have done a lot more to push the Council and the Alliance to see the truth and be prepared for the Reapers. Instead, while I was dead, they swept everything under the rug and called it a day, blaming everything on the Geth. And guess who is heading our way as we speak? The Reapers. And the brass are still not listening."

"You seem to have lost faith in the Alliance."

Shepard's brows tightened for a second before she forced herself to relax. "The Alliance lost faith in me first."

"Was that the reason why you joined Cerberus?"

Bright blue eyes sharpened and looked straight at the doctor. "I never 'joined' Cerberus. I never asked to be revived, much less by Cerberus, but I was. They burned through four billion credits just to bring me back to fight a war. People out there were missing, and the Alliance couldn't do a thing to stop it from happening. Cerberus offered me resources and people to take down the Collectors, so I used them. Nothing more, nothing less."

"So you were abandoned by the Alliance and the Council. Cerberus offered you the resources you needed to fight the Collectors. Sounds like a business transaction."

"You could say that. I did what I was revived to do. After that, well, here I am voluntarily. Being monitored every second for the past few months like a criminal. But I would do it all over again in a heartbeat because of all those lives I've saved with my team."

"You have never talked about your team – your new team."

The trained interrogators couldn't get one single name from her during hours upon hour of interrogations, and the doctor expected her to spill her guts with a softer approach? Shepard almost laughed. "No, I've never talked about them, and I never will. If you're trying to get a list of names from me, then you're wasting your time. Those people worked for me, not Cerberus. They followed me to a place no one had ever been to, knowing we would probably never make it back, and they never once wavered. They're not the terrorists the Alliance are after, and they will never be a threat to humanity or the galaxy – hell, they're willing to throw away their lives for humanity, and some of them are not even humans. They're heroes in my book, each and every one of them, no matter where they came from. The Alliance – even the Council – owe them a giant thanks for taking care of the problem they couldn't handle."

If the doctor was intimidated by her, she certainly didn't show. "People are willingly follow you to dangerous situation," Dr. Troy observed calmly. "That is a gift."

Shepard recalled something Miranda once said about the fire inside her. "I'm lucky I have worked with some of the best people – best biotics, best engineers, best fighters. And not just within the Alliance."

"You've been with the Alliance for twelve years before the accident. Working with the group you once fought against must be hard."

"I did what I had to."

"The sacrifice you've made, cutting all the ties to your previous life-"

"It's nothing comparing to the lives that would have lost if I didn't do what I did."

"What about your personal sacrifice? Your relationship with Kaidan Alenko."

Shepard ignored that sudden prick inside her. "Commander Alenko has moved on with his life after I died. Just as he should." She paused then added as nonchalantly as she could, "I'm happy for him."

"I've heard a lot about you from him."

Shepard raised an eyebrow despite herself. For once, she was caught off-guard. "You know him?"

Dr. Troy nodded. "He was one of my patients. I was one of the doctors assigned to treat the crew of the Normandy after the accident," the doctor explained. "Then-Lieutenant Alenko was under my care. Needless to say, it was a traumatic experience for all of them, but more so for some." Those dark eyes gave Shepard a knowing look.

"How was he-" Shepard immediately stopped herself and winced inwardly. All this time spent in the interrogation room and this comfortable office, and now she finally slipped. It was because of Alenko – one of her greatest weaknesses even after all these years.

Shepard had to draw a clear line between them; she refused to drag Kaidan through the mud with her.

"I'm sorry," said Dr. Troy. "Doctor-patient confidentiality. All I can say is that Kaidan has been through a lot, and I'm glad he's back on his feet."

"...So am I," Shepard agreed quietly. "He deserves better."

"Than?"

And she slipped again. Shepard hid a frown. "Better than what life's been throwing at him."

The doctor observed her with great interest. Shepard tried not to move a muscle or else her body language might betray her.

"Including you?" asked Dr. Troy.

The doctor knew, why lied? Shepard took a subtle deep breath and cracked open the pandora's box just bit. "Including me."

"What makes you say that?"

"You should know better than anyone how much I've hurt him."

"By dying?"

By dying, by joining Cerberus, by breaking the promise that they would be together for a lifetime. Not trusting her own voice, Shepard only nodded.

"You are carrying the guilt of that tragic event's impact on Kaidan, even though it's not your fault."

"Guilt, regrets, whatever you want to call it." Shepard swallowed hard and slammed the pandora's box close. "He's better off without me."

"Do you miss him?"

_Yes._ "I miss all my friends," Shepard dodged that question.

That wasn't a lie. Shepard missed them all, although some more than the others. Two in particular – a man who had been to hell and back with her not just once but twice, and a woman who have given her a second chance in life.


	2. Chapter 1: Project Lazarus

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.

Chapter 1: Project Lazarus

Year: 2185CE

Location: Lazarus Project Facility

"...Commander..."

She heard a faint voice. Shepard stirred.

"Commander." The voice became louder as Shepard slowly regained consciousness.

Searing pain was the first thing she registered. Shepard instinctively sucked in a sharp breath. Cool air filled her lungs, waking her further. She grunted and struggled to open her eyes.

"Shepard! Wake up!"

The harsh white light was painfully blinding to her diluted pupils. Shepard blinked a few times to adjust to the sudden change until she realized she was in an operating room of some sort, lying on her back._ What the hell? _She thought, pushing herself up despite the agony brought by the slightest movements. Shepard noticed she was alone in the room, but she swore she had heard a woman's voice.

"Your scars aren't healed," said the same woman. It was then Shepard realized her voice was blasting through the comm. "But we have no time. We are under attack!"

The last four words were all that Shepard needed to overcome the excruciating pain. If there was only one thing her twelves years of military service had taught her, it's that adrenaline was one hell of an anesthetic. Almost immediately, she slipped out of the bed – or wherever she had been lying upon. _Weapon_, her instinct told her. She needed a weapon.

The room was exceptionally chilly. Shepard glanced down, only to find out she was wearing nothing but a pair of underwear. There were scars all around her torso and legs, and... were the scars glowing in bright red? Shepard shook her head and rubbed her eyes in a poor attempt to shake off her blurry vision.

Before she could further examine her body, that voice once again rang through, "There is a gun in the locker at the corner. Hurry!"

Survival instinct kicked in. Sparing not other thoughts to those abnormal scars, Shepard quickly opened the locker and retrieved the pistol and ammo within. It was her luck that she also found two shirts inside. She grabbed one and donned it without hesitation; it was long enough that it covered her butt, albeit barely – probably a man's shirt.

Shepard loaded the gun with practiced ease. Although muscle memory worked in her favor, her body was working against her. Her fingers were too shaky, the pistol felt too heavy, and her legs too weak. What the hell had happened to her?

"Get out of that room now!" said the woman. "We have to get you out of the facility."

"Where am I?" Shepard demanded. The last thing she remembered was losing consciousness in space. Someone had saved her.

"No time to explain. They're coming for you!"

Shepard rushed out of the room. The facility was eerily sterile but without any medical equipments saved the ones in the room. Shepard wondered what type of hospital it was, but she knew it was definitely not any Alliance facilities she had been to. Before she could make any more observations, she saw two mechs marching out of into the hallway.

"Watch out!" warned the woman.

Shepard quickly shot one of the mech in the head twice. Much to her dismay and surprise, she missed and was forced to duck behind cover when they returned fire. What the freaking hell had happened to her? She would never have missed shots like that.

It had to be some sort of sedatives that had keep her on the operating table, Shepard deduced. Whatever it was, it was still in her system and Shepard was feeling lightheaded. But still, heavily medicated or not, she had to fight her way out. Taking a deep breath to gather herself, Shepard peeked from her cover once the sound of fire had died down and pulled her trigger. One of the mechs was hit squarely in the chest three times and fell over. Muscles memory took over, she immediately ducked and reloaded and peeked out to shoot the last one, forgoing her favorite headshot and aiming at the chest. Two shots later, it was down.

It was over. For now. Shepard shut her eyes briefly and panted harder than she should. Taking down two mechs should never have taken a toll on her, she should never have missed. Garrus would never let her live it down if he was here. Shepard wondered where he was, where everyone was.

_Kaidan..._ Shepard snapped open her eyes. She had to find him.

"Follow the stairs up and down the hallway," said the woman who had been watching over her. "I'll try to meet you as soon as I can. Be careful there are more-" Shepard heard some gunshots over the comm. "Shepard- do you read- Shep-"

"Damn it!" Her only ally was cut off and could be in trouble. Shepard had no other choice but to soldier on.

Bit by bit, her strength started to return as she headed down the path she had been instructed. Her pistol felt lighter with each mech she took down, her reflex faster, her eyesight sharper. Adrenaline pumped inside her veins, numbing the pain throughout her body for the time being. Her heart pounded hard and fast, keeping her as alert as ever despite the sedative that was lingering in her system. Being tossed in the middle of a battle, unarmored with just a pistol in her hand, Aerin Shepard had never felt more alive.

A series of gunshots ahead of her suggested that she was not the lone survivor of this facility. Shepard rushed ahead through a door and saw a man being attacked by three mechs. He was behind cover reloading while the mechs fired relentlessly. With the element of surprise on her side, Shepard was able to shoot three rounds at one of those machines, then two at another one before the remaining one noticed her. Shepard rolled behind a bench to escape the return fire. The man came out of the cover and finished the last one off.

"Thanks-" The man turned to his savior and his eyes widened when he saw her. "Shepard?"

Shepard straightened up from her cover. "You know me?"

The man merely gave her a friendly shrug. "Who doesn't? We are all here because of you. Things must be real bad if Miranda has to wake you up before you're ready."

"Ready for what?" Shepard scowled in half confusion, half annoyance; she hated being in the dark. "What are you talking about? Where am I?"

"Oh right. You must be confused." That man looked apologetic. "We have to move but I'll give you a short version. We are in a facility that is built for Project Lazarus. My name is Jacob Taylor, I'm Miranda's first lieutenant, mostly in charge of security, although normally there's nothing to shoot at except during target practice, until now."

"Why am I here?" Shepard demanded, her frown tightened. "What do I have to do with Project Lazarus?"

"Everything." The man called Jacob gave her a look that was almost sympathetic. "Project Lazarus is why you are still here, Commander. You were dead. Miranda revived you."

Shepard could barely process those last six words. "Wait. Wait a minute. You mean I was dead? As in clinically dead?"

"Heart stopped, brain function ceased. Actually worse than that. When they first brought you in, you were burnt beyond recognition. And when I first saw you, you were nothing but meat and tubes. Took Miranda two years and more than four billion credits to rebuild you."

"Two years?!" Shepard's heart almost stopped again. "I was dead for two years?"

Jacob nodded. "Welcome back to the world of living, Commander."

_I've lost two years?_ Shepard opened her mouth a few times to speak but there was no words. For once, she was utterly shocked beyond words.

"You okay, Commander?"

Shepard swore she almost heard Kaidan's voice asking her that question inside her head. Her thought once again drifted to the man she was supposed to spend a lifetime with. Two years, he thought she was dead for two years, that had to kill him. Shepard shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She had to find him. Now.

"Commander?"

Shepard managed to nod mechanically. "I'm sorry. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all these."

"I know it must be a shock for you, but we have to move on and get you to safety. Project Lazarus was started to bring you back, and we can't lose you in a fight with the mechs now."

Shepard scowled at that additional piece of information. "Hold on, you mean the purpose of the entire project was to revive me?"

"Precisely. Look, I'll play twenty questions with you all day once we're out of this station. For now, we have to look for Miranda and get the hell out of here first."

Jacob was right, Shepard realized. She had to get the hell out of here before she could find Kaidan. "Miranda... She must be the woman who woke me up through the comm. I lost contact with her after I heard some gunshots. She might be in trouble."

"I won't worry about her too much. Miranda can handle herself. Come on, Commander, this way." Jacob led her through a door and into the hallway.

Shepard followed with her gun readied.

"This is an inside job," said Jacob as they hurried down a flight of stairs. "No one other than our staffs are allowed on this station. Someone must have hacked our system, turning all our mechs against us."

"Who exactly are you guys? You are not the Alliance. We don't have this type of facilities. Or four billion credits to spare on one soldier-"

"Trouble ahead!" Jacob warned as he jumped behind a cover. "Two mechs."

Shepard pressed her back against a wall and waited for the gunfire to slow down before peeking out and firing her pistol at the one closest to her. "I'm almost out of ammo!"

"Don't worry, Commander, I'm a biotic!"

Jacob pulled the last mech out of its cover with his biotics. The mech stumbled out in plain view, and Shepard immediately took the kill shot.

"We are clear, Commander. This way. We're close to the shuttle docking bay."

"You haven't answered my question, Jacob," Shepard pressed on while she reloaded with her remaining ammo. "Who do you work for?"

"Okay, I guess you deserve some answers. If I answer your question, you have to promise me not to shoot."

Bright blue eyes narrowed; her grip on her pistol tightened. Shepard did not like that at all. "Answer. Now."

There was a slight hesitation. "Project Lazarus is funded by Cerberus."

If this was a joke, Shepard wasn't laughing. "Cerberus?" She frowned harshly. "Why the hell would Cerberus spend four billions to revive me?"

"I don't know, Commander." Jacob shook his head. "All I know is you are the only one who has ever been rebuilt, the Lazarus project is funded just for you, no one else. You have to ask the boss, the Illusive Man."

"The Illusive Man? Who is he?"

"He is the boss, but no one knows his real name. It's just a codename the Alliance gave him, and it sticks. I only answer to Miranda, she has contact with the Man himself. You have to ask her if you want to know more about him, but I doubt she knows much about him." There was a certain sincerity in him that made Shepard believe what he said.

Shepard took a sharp breath, calming the anger boiling inside. "If he thinks I'll work for Cerberus just because he revives me, then he's wasting his money and your time. I'll never work for terrorists!"

"Then I suggest you take it up to the Man," said Jacob calmly. "I don't think even he can force you to work for us if you're not willing."

"Oh, I will."

"I know we have bad reps, but those are done by the splinter groups. Everything we've done, we did it for humanity first and foremost." To his credit, Jacob remained calm under Shepard's burning gaze. "Look, Commander, I know you don't trust us, but this is not a good time for debate. Let's get out of this station first or we'll both get killed."

Shepard had no choice but to agree.

"Let's go, Commander. This way."

Shepard would get her answers sooner or later. For now, Jacob was right, they had to get the hell out of this hell hole first.

* * *

Location: Project Lazarus Facility Dock

What a bloody mess! Miranda Lawson lowered her pistol with absolute dismay. This was _not_ how the Lazarus Project was supposed to turn out. She was close, so close to succeed! Shepard would make a full recovery in another month or two, three tops. But now, her radio contact with Shepard had been cut off. The commander could be dead again by now, and the facility was destroyed with no way to revive her again. Her two-year worth of effort had gone down the drain, all due to one man's sabotage – the same man who was lying dead at her feet with one single gun shot wound between his eyes.

The traitor – her former assistant, Wilson – now had paid for his betrayal with his life, but that did nothing to make up for the damage he had done. Miranda would have to find out who he was working for, but that would have to wait. Her first priority would be to locate Shepard and get the hell out of here, hopefully Shepard was as good as everyone had claimed and managed to stay alive even in her current condition.

Miranda heard gun shots down the hall. Alarmed, she kicked Wilson's body aside and rushed down the hallway. But the gunfire died down by the time she reached the door at the other end. The door slid open. Miranda's gun was up, aiming at the head of the first mech coming through. But she immediately relaxed her stance as she recognized the face of the man – her long-timed trusted partner, Jacob. Miranda released a secret sigh of relief when her eyes landed onto a figure a few steps behind Jacob. It was none other than the woman she had devoted two years of her life to, Commander Aerin Shepard.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Jacob.

"Internal sabotage." Miranda nodded towards the corpse on the floor at the other end of the hallway. "I've dealt with the traitor."

"Wilson?" Jacob frowned skeptically. "Are you sure? He's been with us for a long time."

"You should know by now that I'm never wrong, Jacob." She turned her attention to the woman who had been studying her. Miranda returned the favor by giving Shepard an once over. "Commander."

Wearing nothing but a man's shirt with her underwear partly revealing, Shepard seemed completely unfazed by her state of undress. Miranda had to admit Shepard didn't look too bad given her situation and her condition. Shepard's arms and legs were skinnier than before; her once well-toned muscles had shrunk due to lack of use, but Miranda knew it would only be a matter of time until the commander returned to her peak physical condition. Adding intense training sessions would speed up Shepard's recovery, Miranda made a mental note to assign that duty to Jacob later.

Miranda's attention left the commander's bare legs and traveled back up to her face. Bright blue eyes stared back at her openly with an intensity she didn't expect from someone who was quite heavily drugged.

_Good... Welcome back, Shepard._

Shepard's hair had started to grow back more than a year ago. Uncut, now it was longer than when Miranda had first met her at the Citadel. The unkempt layered look surprisingly suited the Alliance-born-and-raised soldier, but Miranda was not about to voice her opinion. Somehow, she had a feeling Shepard would carry herself with just the same attitude even if she was bald or even naked. It had to do with the commander's air of confidence, Miranda knew, although there was only a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Miranda had yet to decide which side Shepard landed on.

"You must be Miranda," said Shepard rather coolly.

"I am," Miranda replied with the same coolness. "I am the head of the Lazarus Project, the one who rebuilt you."

The commander's tone turned a few notches colder. "With Cerberus."

The reason behind Shepard's attitude suddenly became clear to her. Miranda turned and looked at Jacob with a smirk. "Ah, Jacob. I knew your conscience would get the better of you."

"If we want Shepard to work with us, we can't lie to her," Jacob explained.

_Just as well._ Miranda shrugged. "Well, now that's out in the open, perhaps we can leave this place before more mechs arrive."

"Wait a minute," said Shepard with a mild scowl. "I need some answers."

Miranda raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at her. "I will answer your questions on the shuttle."

"And if I don't go with you?" Shepard challenged. The defiant in her eyes was unmistakable.

Miranda began to regret not installing a control chip inside the commander's brain to make her own job easier. Miranda folded her arms and regarded the other woman in with a hint of amusement. "I have the last shuttle off this station. You are welcome to stay behind and rot with the mechs."

"And you are willing to lose the project you've worked on for two years? Four billion credits down the drain?" Shepard countered with an arched eyebrow. "I don't think so."

Miranda's full lips thinned slightly. She definitely regretted not installing that bloody chip. "You want answers, I might have them. But ask them on the shuttle. We are heading to see the Illusive Man, whom no doubt Jacob has told you about. He will answer all the questions I can't."

Shepard's gaze sharpened and studied her.

Miranda put her free hand on her hips and allowed the commander to study to her heart's content while she continued casually, "We also have received your custom armor from our own lab last week. I have loaded it on the shuttle as well as a change of clothes you desperately need." She eyed the commander's body to make a point. "Don't worry, I know your size."

The tension between the two women continued to mount, but Jacob stepped in. "Commander, even if you want to go back to the Alliance, at least talk to the Illusive Man and get some answers first. The sensor does indication there's only one shuttle left on this station."

"We're leaving without searching for survivors?" asked Shepard indignantly.

_You've got to be kidding me..._ Miranda scowled. "Don't you get it? You are the only one who's important here. We are all expandable."

Jacob nodded. "It's true. We all know the risk when we signed up for this assignment. Miranda is responsible for rebuilding you, and I'm responsible for protecting you. So please, Commander, don't make my job any harder than it is."

Shepard's expression softened a notch. The commander seemed to respond to Jacob's approach better than hers, Miranda made a mental note of that. "Come on, we have wasted enough time," said Miranda. "Let's get out of here."

Shepard grudgingly agreed, "Fine. I've enough of this station to last a life time."

"Two, in your case." Miranda shot her a cool look and led the way. The first part of her job was done, now onto the second part. Just when she thought reconstructing Shepard was hard, working with her seemed even harder.

If only she had sneaked in a control chip.

* * *

Location: Cerberus Shuttle

One minute she was floating out there, dying. The next minute she was waking up on an operating table, recovering. In between, two years had come and gone, two years she had lost. Shepard looked outside the window of the shuttle. Although they were in different sector, the dark space looked very much the same as the last thing she had seen before she had lost consciousness. Nothing but complete darkness, with occasion twinkling stars from afar.

Staring into the darkness, Shepard suddenly felt a tightening in her chest as if she was suffocating. Her arm shot up to reach for the back of her neck to seal the tear of her armor. It wasn't until her cold fingertips brushed the skin on the back of her neck did she register her lack of armor, waking herself up from a nightmare inside her head. Shepard blinked hard and took a deep breath to calm her fraying nerves – a breath that she couldn't take when she was floating out there, two years ago.

Two years... She still had a hard time believing so much time had passed. Shepard pushed a lock of hair off her face and habitually tucked it behind her ear. Her fingers brushed to where her hair should have ended and froze; she could feel the soft strands continued on. Shepard looked down at her own hand and the dark hair extended beyond her fingertips. It wasn't until now that she realized how long her hair had grown. So two years... they were telling the truth...

Shepard dropped her hand down to her lap and shut her eyes and finally began to accept the painful truth: She had lost two years of her life, and perhaps even more. Two years was a long time, her team had moved on. _He_ had probably moved on...

Part of her selfishly wished Kaidan had waited for her. Waiting for what? For a dead woman to come back to live? Shepard almost snorted at her own stupidity. But she needed to find him, needed to talk to him.

She needed him.

With a deep breath, Shepard shoved that thought aside. She had to get out of her current situation first. When she opened her eyes once again, the familiar dark space greeted her, unchanged. Somehow, the pitch black backdrop with twinkling stars, that view that had been with her since she was a kid, now had a more sinister look to it.

Miranda had been studying her, Shepard knew but she didn't care. Sitting across from her, the man and the woman were both strangers to her – strangers working for a terrorist organization. A terrorist organization that had gone out of their way to revive her, Shepard reminded herself. The amount of money they had poured in for the project could easily fund an army, so why resurrected her? Miranda had directed that question to the Illusive Man when Shepard had asked earlier, claiming he should be the one to tell her his own plan.

The Illusive Man... What kind of name was that?

"We don't have much time left before we arrive at the station," said Miranda, breaking the silence. "We should run some tests."

Shepard tore her gaze from the window and settled it on the woman across from her. An eyebrow arched slightly. "Tests?"

"You haven't fully recovered, Shepard," said Miranda. "I need to make sure you are both physically and mentally ready before you meet with the Illusive Man."

"Come on, Miranda." Jacob threw her a sideways glance. "I've seen the commander in action. Even with the amount of drugs you have pumped in her system to sedate her, she's good, okay? I vouch for her."

There was just a hint of annoyance flashed across Miranda's face. "All right," Miranda conceded stiffly. "If Jacob says you're good, then I'll defer to his judgment. I still need to do a full examination once we have a chance."

_What? To tighten the nuts and bolts inside me?_ Shepard's eyebrow raised further. "Why? What exactly have you done to me?"

"You have countless implants inside you. The best money can buy. Most of them are top of the line prototypes that are not even available on the market even if you have the proper connections. It's my job to make sure they work together without conflict. Or you'll die."

Somehow, dying wasn't much of a threat to Shepard anymore. Been there, done that. "So am I a prototype to a future army of cybernetic-enhanced soldiers that Cerberus is trying to build?"

"Prototype? No." Miranda snorted softly. "We spent two years just to bring you back. You have no idea how hard it was to reconstruct you piece by piece from the lump of charred body you were when you were brought to our lab. The process we used to rebuild you is simply beyond your comprehension."

That sheer arrogance had simply rubbed Shepard the very wrong way. "I don't need a Ph.D degree in cybernetic implants to know I am different than before." She pointed at the long scar along the side of her leg. That eerie bright red glow was even more prominent now that they were inside a dim shuttle cabin. "I've had more than my share of injuries and never before had my scars glowed like this."

Miranda glanced at the scar Shepard was mentioning. "One of your many enhancements. Your body heals faster, and it's now stronger, your reflex quicker, just to name a few improvements."

That confirmed Shepard's suspicion. She felt different than before, more so now that the sedatives in her system had started to wear off. While being faster and stronger was good, but it was all done without her permission, and she did not like it a bit. "What am I?" Shepard scowled. "Half-human half-robot?" _Like those stories I used to read when I was a kid?_

Miranda shifted her gaze away from the scar and focused on Shepard's face, as if studying her achievement with a sense of pride. "You are Aerin Shepard. The one and only. If you are not the same woman you once was, then I have failed." Miranda's gaze settled squarely onto Shepard's eyes. "I never fail."


	3. Chapter 2: Two Years

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.

Chapter 2: Two Years

Year: 2183CE

Location: Citadel

_It was the last night of their two-day shore leave. Two precious days for the crew to take a breather while the Normandy and the mako received much needed repair, and then the hunt for Saren would resume. But for now, Shepard allowed herself to lift the weight of the galaxy off her shoulders. For one more night, she was not Commander Shepard, but just Aerin, spending her night off with a good friend – a good friend whom she was very much attracted to._

_The street was packed this early evening, Shepard had no choice but to stay close to Kaidan or else she might lose him in the crowd – or so she told herself. It was just an excuse, she knew damn well. She liked him. Since when? She didn't know. But after last night, after spending three hours at a cafe with him talking just about everything in the galaxy, she finally allowed herself to admit to the simple fact that she did like him. A lot. Still, she was his CO; she had to be careful while they were still on this mission._

"_How's the new Savant?" asked Shepard, tilting her head to study the profile of the man next to her. Her gaze traced from the bridge of his nose to the tip of it, down to his lips. It's a path she was quite familiar with by now, having caught herself staring for more times than she would care to admit._

"_Unbelievable." Kaidan turned to her with his eyes lit up like a kid seeing the latest toy. "You can't go wrong with Serrice Council's products. That new Savant combines the best of Nexus and Logic Arrest, with additional shield enhancements. Like Nexus, Savant can run multiple attack processes simultaneously. But Nexus shield enhancements are way behind the curve. Savant shield is the best on the market, even better than Logic Arrest-" He paused when he noticed that smirk she was giving him. _

"_You're in love," Shepard claimed teasing with a raised eyebrow. _

_There was a sudden panic flashed across his eyes. "What?" _

_Flustering Kaidan had become Shepard's hobby, and she was getting pretty good at it. A mischievous smile spread on her face at her own success. "With Savant." _

_Panic was replaced by realization, then followed by a faint chuckle of embarrassment. "Er... sorry," Kaidan mumbled, "didn't mean to bore you with the details."_

_This man was quite a paradox, Shepard had found out. He often provided some of the most insightful observations or articulate arguments, yet sometimes he could be as adorable as a kid, tripping over his words when he was flustered by her. _

"_Go on," Shepard encouraged him with her grin widened, then deliberately lowered her voice and leaned closer. "I kinda like it when you talk nerdy."_

_That stopped him in his tracks. _

_Hiding a laugh, Shepard continued her path, leaving him behind for a few steps before she looked over her shoulder. "You coming or not?" _

_Kaidan hurried to catch up, shaking his head slightly and grinning to himself. Shepard held back a smile when he was once again next to her. It was then a sudden realization hit her like a ton of bricks: She was too used to having him by her side, so much so that without him, it didn't right. And that realization scared her more than she would ever admit. _

_So what would happen after her mission was over when he might be reassigned elsewhere? Shepard didn't want to think too far ahead. If she couldn't stop Saren, the galaxy as she knew it would be gone, along with the man next to her. Shoving that thought away, she turned to Kaidan. "Any plans after dinner?"_

"_No, what do you suggest?"_

"_Let's hit the arcade on the Strip. I want to see if you can beat me in those games."_

_He gave her a sideways look. "Aren't you competitive..."_

_A teasing smirk spread on her face. "Don't tell me you're afraid of a little competition."_

"_Me? No." He chuckled. "Maybe I should be nice and let you win."_

"_Let me win?" If he was anyone else, Shepard would be offended. But he wasn't. Shepard merely glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "Oh, you are going down, Mister."_

* * *

Year: 2185CE

Location: Cerberus Space Station

Wearing nothing but an over-sized shirt, Shepard followed Jacob down the hall. Like the facility she had escaped from, the remote station they had arrived at was pristine. The staffs were courteous and professional, and they all seemed to know her. All greeted her politely as they walked pass, none remotely batted an eye at her current outfit, or lack thereof. Jacob had been utmost professional and respectful, not once had his eyes wandered below her neck during their shuttle trip. Shepard idly wondered about his background and why he would join a terrorist group.

"This way, Commander." Jacob showed her to a small room. "Your armor has been unloaded and it's here. The Illusive Man is waiting for you once you're ready."

"Thank you, Jacob."

He gave her a perfect salute before exiting. _Military_, Shepard thought as she locked the door.

What greeted her on the table was a pleasant surprise. The new armor was black, with the N7 insignia on the chest plate, and the distinctive red and white stripes down the right arm. Although it was not an exact replica of her old armor, Shepard couldn't help but smile faintly at the sight of it. It was almost as if meeting an old friend that had been with her thick and thin for many years. An old friend – now new and improved – manufactured by Cerberus, just like her. Shepard shook that thought away and suited up, trying her best to ignore the soreness in her muscles.

Not surprisingly, the armor fitted like a glove, as Miranda had mentioned that it was custom made for her. What Shepard had never expected was the fact that Cerberus made one hell of an armor, better than what the Alliance provided, even to their elite soldiers. Shepard slipped on her gauntlets and flexed her fingers. The familiar feeling of an armor hugging her body had brought her a much needed sense of comfort, however little it might be in her current predicament. She was a lone Alliance soldier in the midst of a Cerberus facility. For once, shooting her way out wasn't the answer.

The answer might lie in the man they called the Illusive Man. Whoever he was, Shepard had a feeling he wouldn't let her go that easily, not after he had spent four billion credits on her. Perhaps it was time to meet the man behind the infamous group.

As she was about to exit, Shepard accidentally caught a glance in the mirror nearby. What she saw froze in her tracks. The woman that was staring back at her was ghostly pale with scars on her cheeks. What stopped her, however, was the strange glow in her eyes. Shepard took a few tentative steps towards the mirror and examined herself closely for the first time since she had woken up. Her eyes, although still blue, now glowed in same bright red in the pupils.

_What the hell? _Staring at the those two red dots in her eyes, Shepard frowned. _What have they done to me?_

She blinked hard at the image and touched the bright red scars, the woman in the mirror did the same. Just how many implants and artificial organs did she have inside? What _was_ she now? A perfect union of organic and synthetic that Saren had been ranting about?

_Oh god... _Shepard took a step back from the mirror in horror.

Had she involuntarily became a walking example of Saren's vision?

_No... No, no, no! _Disgusted by face that was staring back at her and what it represented, Shepard stepped away from the mirror, away from the ghost of her former self_. _The walls suddenly pressed in on her, the floor rose closer. Her reflex took over, Shepard leaned against the table before her knees gave in.

Taking a few deep breaths in a poor attempt to quiet her racing mind and slow her palpitating heart, Shepard willed herself to focus on the first task at hand. She needed to get the hell out of here, she needed to get back to where she belonged. With the Alliance. With Kaidan.

But what would they think of her now? To that, she was almost too afraid to find out. Swallowing hard, Shepard shut her eyes to steel herself.

_I am Lieutenant Commander Aerin Shepard. Council Spectre. Captain of the SSV Normandy SR-1. _

Donning her commander mask, she marched to the door with a stoic expression. Her doubts, her fears, her disgust, all hidden underneath the perfect poker face.

_I am Shepard. Aerin Shepard. _

She would demand her answers from the Illusive Man, then she would leave.

_I am Aerin. _

And she would find Kaidan.

_I am still me._

* * *

The bottom of the stairs was dark. It led to nowhere but a small empty space. There was no one down here, the Illusive Man or not. Was this a trap? Shepard instinctively reached for her gun, but there was none. But why would they bother to revive her just to kill her?

Before she could take another step, the sound of some machines buzzed around her. In an instant, Shepard found herself being scanned. Soon enough, a hologram of a man in suit sitting in a chair lit up in front of her.

"Commander Shepard," the man greeted politely, his voice was soft and raspy.

"Illusive Man," Shepard deduced. "I thought we'd be meeting face-to-face."

"A necessary precaution," said the Illusive Man. "Not unusual for people who know what you and I know."

Shepard scowled at his riddle. "And what exact is it that you and I know?"

"That our place in the universe is more fragile than people would like to think. That one woman, one specific woman might be all that stands between humanity and the greatest threat to our brief existence."

That got Shepard's full attention. "The Reapers."

The Illusive Man nodded. "Good to see your memory's still intact. How are you feeling?"

Whether she liked it or not, she was still standing and breathing all because of the man in the hologram. Shepard decided to extend the courtesy and play nice, for now. "Not bad for someone who's been dead for two years. From what I hear, I cost you a fortune. Why'd you do it?"

"For the defense and preservation of humanity," the Illusive Man stated plainly as though it was an obvious answer to the most simple question. "I didn't spend two years and billions of credits bringing you back to serve as a common soldier. We need Shepard – just as you were when you defeat Sovereign. You're unique. Not just in ability or what you've experienced, but in what you represent. You stood for humanity at a key moment. You're more than a soldier – you're a symbol. And I don't know if the Reapers understand fear, but you killed one. They have to respect that."

Shepard suppressed a snort. From the Alliance post child to the symbol that was worth billions of credits to revive, she had certainly been upgraded to the next iconic level. She had never wanted to be put on any pedestal; from Elysium to Citadel, all she had done was her job – to protect and to save lives. Yet here she was, brought back to live because of the pedestal she had been put on, because of her reputation.

_They can't even let me rest in peace, _Shepard thought with a strange bitter taste in her mouth. The image of woman in the mirror haunted her , she couldn't walk away knowing the Reapers were still out there, threatening to unravel everything she had worked so hard to preserve. If she was given a second chance to send them back to hell, she would take it in a heartbeat, even when the second chance was given by a terrorist group.

"What are the Reapers doing that made you decide to bring me back?"

"We're at war," the Illusive Man stated calmly as he stood from his chair and approached her. "No one wants to admit it, but humanity is under attack. While you've been sleeping, entire colonies have been disappearing. Human colonies. We believe it's someone working for the Reapers. Just as Saren and the Geth aided Sovereign."

_Another Saren?_ Shepard frowned. Now that the Illusive Man came closer to her, Shepard could see that he was quite tall, at the age of around fifty or so. One thing about him stood out, his eyes had a strange glow even through the hologram.

"You've seen it yourself," the Illusive Man continued. "You bested all of them. That's just one reason we chose you."

"Sovereign was trying to harvest all life in the galaxy," Shepard pointed out. "Why would the Reapers target a few human colonies?"

"Hundreds of thousands of colonists have vanished. I'd say that fits the definition of 'harvesting.'"

"Hundreds of thousands of colonists have vanished, and nobody knows a thing?"

"Nobody's paying attention because it's random and the attacks occur in remote locations. I don't know why they've suddenly targeted humanity. Maybe you got their attention when you killed one of them."

Her eyes narrowed slightly at the last line. Did she unwittingly bring unwanted attention to humanity by protecting the galaxy? "I can't fight the Reapers on my own. If this is a threat against the humanity, you need to mobilize the Alliance."

"They suffered substantial losses from fighting Sovereign. They're rebuilding, still stretched too thin to waste resources verifying the Reaper threat. Blaming the abductions on mercs and pirates is easier, and more convenient."

Shepard scowled at that news. She could see the brass swiping everything under the rug. It was always easier to ignore the problems than to acknowledge them. But still, Cerberus stepping up when the Alliance couldn't? "Fighting a war doesn't seem like Cerberus. Why are you involved?"

"Cerberus isn't as evil as you believe. You and I are on the same side, we just have different methods. We are committed to the advancement and preservation of humanity. If the Reapers are targeting us, trying to wipe us out, Cerberus will stop them. If we wait for politicians or the Alliance to act... no more human colonies will be left."

As much as Shepard hated to admit it, the Illusive Man had a point. Two years, hundreds of thousands of colonists had vanished and it still had not been stopped. That made her sick to her stomach. "If what you say is true, if the Reapers are behind this, I may consider helping you."

"I'd be disappointed if you accepted any of this without seeing for yourself.I have a shuttle ready to take you to Freedom's Progress, the last colony to be abducted. Miranda and Jacob will brief you."

"Miranda killed a man point blank without interrogation. Jacob's just a gun for hire. You expect me to trust them?"

"Wilson was one of my best agents. But he was a traitor. Miranda did exactly what I expected of her. And she saved your life in more ways than one. Jacob's a soldier, one of the best. He's never fully trusted me, but he's always been honest about it. You'll be just fine with them... for now."

Everything was set and prepared for her even before she had woken up. From her armor to her new mission, even down to her transportation, the Illusive Man had planned everything in advance. Shepard couldn't help but feel like a pawn on a galactic chessboard. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

"You always have a choice, Shepard. If you don't find the evidence we're both looking for, we can part ways. But first go to Freedom's Progress. Find any clues you can. Who's abducting the colonies? Do they have any connection to the Reapers? I brought you back. It's up to you to do the rest."

* * *

Some people possessed a presence that was hard to ignore, marking them the center of attention for their friends, or a visible target for their enemies. Shepard was one of them. Miranda was finishing up her final report on the Lazarus Project when the commander made her way up from the meeting with the Illusive Man. Although her footsteps were quiet, Miranda found herself glancing at Shepard's direction.

All suited up in her brand new armor, Shepard finally looked the part of a hero she had always played. Miranda's first impression on the commander had been mediocre at best. But that was before the Lazarus Project, before she had devoted two years to rebuild the commander piece by piece. In a strange sense, Shepard had been a major part of her life for two years, and she knew about the commander more than she had ever known anyone, sadly that included her own sister. To see her project finally walking and talking, it was quite fascinating, and certainly rewarding.

The new armor looked good on the commander. The lab had sent the classic black N7 one, although Miranda would have chosen a deep shade of crimson for Shepard – a far departure from her old Alliance armor. Cutting the cords that linked Shepard to her past would further isolate her, making her easier to manipulate, that's what Miranda would have done. That and a control chip. But the Illusive Man had other ideas, and she had no choice but to follow his lead. After all, he was her boss.

Miranda subtly observed as Shepard talked to Jacob after receiving her new omni-tool. Jacob calmly answered every question Shepard threw at him. That man had the patience of a saint, Miranda mused as she sent in her report. Soon enough, from the corner of her eye, she spotted Shepard making her way over.

_Is it my turn to be interrogated?_ She switched off the console and gave the commander her undivided attention. _Play nice, Lawson. _

"The Illusive Man is very impressed with you," Miranda started. "I'm eager to see if you can live up to his expectation on this mission."

Shepard merely nodded. Her expression remained stoic at the praise. "I'll get to the bottom of this even if the Reapers are not involved. The abduction has to stop."

Her perfectly sculpted eyebrow arched up slightly at the claim. Shepard was confident, Miranda would give her that, but the line between confidence and arrogance had started to blur the more she observed the commander. Whether Shepard could live up to her reputation, that still remained to be seen. For the sake of the project, for the sake of humanity, Miranda sure hoped she could.

Shepard paused for a bit before she continued, "I want to thank you for reviving me."

_Now, was it that hard to thank the person who has saved your life?_ Miranda mused silently. Outwardly, though, she gave the commander a cool once over. "I just hope it's worth it. A lot of people lost their lives on that station."

"When you've found out who's behind the attack, let me know. I want to know what wants me dead."

"Are you sure you're the target?" While Miranda agreed with her assumption, she wanted to find out if Shepard's conclusion was based on sheer cockiness or rational logic .

"If the target was any of the staff, it would be easier to take you down elsewhere, not in a secured remote location where there was only one way in and out. I was the only one who was immobilized, if they wanted to kill me, they would have to be there. And by destroying the facility, any chance of reviving me one more time would be gone."

Pleased with her answer, Miranda nodded. "I agree. I'll investigate further after Freedom's Progress. For now, focus on our mission."

"Well, if we're going to work together, I'd like to know more about you."

_What is this? A job interview?_ Miranda snorted softly. She couldn't help but feel slightly insulted. "Worried about my qualifications? I can crush a mech with my biotics or shoot its head off by 100 yards, take your pick."

If Shepard was impressed by her abilities, she didn't show. "Did you and Jacob serve together in the Alliance?"

"No. The Illusive Man recognized my potential and recruited me at a young age."

"How old were you?"

_Old enough to save my sister from my father._ Miranda hid a scowl from Shepard's persisting questions. "Old enough to know this is what I wanted." The finality in her tone was obvious. "Anything else, Commander?"

"You're in charge of the Lazarus Project, right? Can you tell me more about it?"

"I wasn't in charge. The Illusive Man was. If I was running the show, I'd have done a few things differently."

"Such as?"

_Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to._ "To start, I'd have implanted you with some type of control chip."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at that, but she remained quite.

"But the Illusive Man wouldn't allow it," Miranda continued. "He was afraid it would have changed your personality, altered your character somehow. He wouldn't let us do anything that would limit your potential in anyway."

"Can't say I like the idea of brought back to life with a control chip in my brain."

_Can't say I like the idea of you without one._ "The Illusive Man is taking an incredible risk with you. I just hope his gamble pays off."

Shepard studied her for a second. "Do you have a problem with me?"

At least Shepard was straightforward, Miranda found that refreshing. Since honesty was the policy here..."I have the utmost respect for your abilities, Shepard. It's your motivation that concerns me," Miranda stated rather bluntly. "I believe in what Cerberus stands for. Only time will tell if you will be an asset or a liability to our course."

"What Cerberus stands for?" The commander scowled then snorted. "I saw your bases years ago. Your experiments cross the line."

"All the time, yes," Miranda admitted then gave Shepard a knowing look. "But I recall a Spectre who crossed a few lines while hunting down Saren and the Geth. Stealing the prototype warship? Mutiny?"

"All necessary to end Saren and his threat," Shepard defended her transgressions without missing a beat.

"I couldn't agree more. You are not afraid to take steps necessary to reach your goal. That's exactly what we do here in Cerberus."

The commander shook her head. "I stole a ship to go after a man who was destroying the galaxy. But you were using rachni, thorian creepers, even husks to make your own army."

"The husks were already dead. The thorian creatures were mindless, and the rachni were abandoned once we understood their intelligence," Miranda countered each point flawlessly. "We weren't breeding an army. We were breeding an expendable shock troops for high risk scenarios. Think about it, Shepard. How many soldiers died in Saren's attack on Eden Prime? How many would have lived if we had a dozen rachni soldiers on our side?"

There was a shift in Shepard's eyes as she went quiet. Miranda knew the commander had come to the same conclusion and agreed with her. Just as she thought Shepard would give up, the commander fired another question, "But what about Admiral Kahoku? Don't tell me he wasn't murdered."

"Not by me or anyone involves in our project. Can you honestly say the Alliance has never sent their soldiers to kill anyone?"Miranda gave her an icy look. "What about you, Shepard? How many have you killed just because you're ordered to?"

Shepard's eyes narrowed, her lips thinned. But before Shepard could respond, Jacob approached cautiously. "...Is there a problem?"

"No," both women responded in unison.

Jacob's gaze shifted between the two women for a second. Miranda gave him a subtle nod and relaxed her stance.

"I have your weapons ready for you, Commander," said Jacob, defusing the tension with his calm professionalism. "A pistol, a shotgun, an assault rifle, a sniper rifle, and a grenade launcher. All top of the line, latest models. Please come with me."

Miranda released a tired sigh as she watched the commander departed with Jacob. She had spent the past two years of her life consumed with Project Lazarus. Its sole purpose was to bring Shepard back to life with the same mind and moral. Well, Shepard was alive, but was she the same woman she used to be? Judging from her holier-than-thou attitude, Miranda would say her mission was a success. Was Shepard worth the trouble though? Only time would tell.

* * *

Shepard looked at her new omni-tool – Savant, their latest model as Jacob had told her. _Kaidan would love it._

There was still a minute while Miranda and Jacob were preparing for the mission. Shepard retreated to a quiet corner to send a message to Kaidan and Anderson. How should she even start?

"_I'm not dead." No, I did die. "Cerberus saved me." Kaidan would never believe it. "I'll come find you once I'm done with this Cerberus mission." Anderson would have my head for that- _

'ACCESS DENIED'

Shepard frowned at the screen on her omni-tool then retyped the password.

'ACCESS DENIED'

_What the hell? _

She tried once more.

'ACCESS DENIED'

_Damn it!_ Did the Alliance close her account?

"Commander, the shuttle is ready," said Jacob.

Shepard looked up from her omni-tool and nodded. She would find another way to contact them later. For now, she had a job to do.

* * *

Location: Citadel

The Citadel was as bustling as ever. Kaidan weaved through the crowd, heading to a bar to meet a new friend of his. Only for a drink, Kaidan had convinced himself. Shepard would want him to live his life, of that he had no doubt. It was he who had trapped himself in a self-inflicted prison for the past two years. Two long years without her. Survivor's guilt was one hell of a battle to fight, but he had pull through; he had picked himself up and dusted himself off, just as he had done after Brain Camp years ago. There were more dents and scratches on him than before, even a part of him was forever gone along with his Aerin that day two years ago – a part where nothing and no one could ever fill, but somehow he survived.

An advertisement flashing along the wall caught his attention. It was the Alliance recruitment ad. In of itself, it was nothing special, but the face on that giant screen was. He had seen that face repeatedly in his dreams and in his mind for the past two years. Commander Shepard – the perfect representation of what the Alliance stood for: Courage, strength, and sacrifice.

Even after she was gone, Shepard had never stopped being the Alliance poster child. _Aerin wouldn't like it._

For the longest time since the accident, he couldn't look at that advertisement without feeling the excruciating pain and biting bitterness. Now, Kaidan chose to linger in front of the screen with one thought on his mind: The picture didn't do the commander justice. Her eyes were much bluer in person.

_Hey, I miss you. You know that, right?_ Kaidan stared at that familiar face in the screen as if the picture of Shepard would give him a response.

The screen blinked and shifted to another advertisement. Kaidan shook his head faintly with a hint of wistful smile and continued his way. His friend was waiting.

* * *

A/N: Miss him? Didn't expect to see Alenko so soon, did you? If the first part sounds familiar, that's because it was from chapter 19, rewritten from Shepard's POV. Thank you for reading, and thank you for the reviews.


	4. Chapter 3: Freedom's Progress

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.

Chapter 3: Freedom's Progress

Year: 2183CE

Location: SSV Normandy SR-1 Hanger Bay

_Cleaning her guns had always calmed her mind, but this time it didn't work. Shepard's hands moved quickly, striping her sniper rifle apart piece by piece, while her mind was somewhere else. This station used to belong to one of her crew – a woman she had trusted to watch her back ever since Eden Prime, a friend. Ashley Williams. _

_A friend who had died because of her decision, because she had chosen to save the man she had fallen for instead. Her fingers froze in mid air at that thought – the very same thought that had been haunting her every waking hour and every dream at night ever since Virmire. _

_No. She had chosen to protect the bomb from the Geth, to make sure there would never be a krogan slave army working for Saren, Shepard had tried to convince herself over and over again. Still, she had yet to believe herself. _

_Would she still go back to the bomb if Williams were the one guarding it? Yes, she wanted to believe that she would. But then Alenko would be dead. Kaidan would be dead... And that scared her more than she would admit. Shepard took a sharp breath and halted her train of thought, then willed herself to focus on the task at hand._

_Whatever her reasons might be, Ashley was dead, and it was because of her decision – a decision she had to live with for the rest of her life._

_Soft footsteps saved her from drowning inside her own head. From the corner of her eye, Shepard noticed Tali approaching hesitantly. _

_The young quarian stood by the station and observed Shepard's gun cleaning ritual for a short moment before she broke the silence, "It feels like we're getting near the end, doesn't it, Aerin? With Saren, I mean."_

_Shepard's hands slowed at that name. "It won't be much longer," she said as she picked up the speed once more. "One way or another, it'll all be over soon."_

"_You'll find the Conduit before he does. I know you will. You have to," Tali said with conviction. _

_Shepard nodded. "It's on Ilos. We'll head there soon." _And it might be a one-way trip..._ "We're going in without backup from the Council, Tali. It'll be very dangerous and I cannot guarantee you that we'll make it back..."_

"_...What are you saying?"_

_Shepard put down the rifle part and turned to face her friend. "You're young, Tali. And now you have the Geth data as a gift to bring back home, your Pilgrimage is technically over. You have family and friends waiting for you to go back. You don't have to take this risk with us."_

"_No! Maybe I don't have to, but I want to. This is my fight too!" Tali countered. "The Reapers won't spare the flotilla. I won't have a home to go back to if we don't stop them."_

_She was right, Shepard knew._

"_You've been good to me, Aerin. I want to be there for you. A lot of people treat quarians like second-class citizens. They just want us to go back to our fleet and disappear. But you've treated me like everyone else on your crew. Like an equal. That means a lot. And it says something about you. Whatever happens, I just want to say thank you for that."_

_Shepard smiled faintly at that. Tali had always been special to her, not as a good friend like Garrus, but like a little sister she had never had. "You don't have to thank me." Shepard's voice was gentle. "You _are_ an equal, Tali, and you deserve to be treated as one. Always remember that."_

"_Come here," said Tali with her arms opened._

_For a second, Shepard could only stare at her questioningly._

"_Come here," Tali insisted, nodding. "Come on, I won't bite."_

_Shaking her head, with more than a hint of smile, Shepard stepped into her friend's waiting arms. Tali wrapped them around the her in a fierce embrace. "Thank you, Aerin, for everything."_

"_You're welcome..." Shepard gave her a pat on her back. As much as she hated to admit, she needed this hug. "I'm going to miss you when you go back to your own people, Tali."_

"_I'll miss you too, Aerin. But that won't happen for a while yet. I'll be right here any time you need me."_

* * *

Year: 2185CE

Location: Cerberus Shuttle

Miranda silently observed her project. Shepard was lost in her own thoughts. Her stoic mask had slipped, Miranda noticed, revealing a softer longing look as the commander stared blankly at the dark space outside.

What was she thinking? The Alliance? Her home? Or perhaps Alenko? Miranda could come up with a list based on her knowledge on Shepard's history. What the commander had on her mind didn't concern Miranda, her physical condition, on the other hand, did.

Jacob had vouched for Shepard's combat prowess, and Miranda had always trusted his judgment. But no one knew better than Miranda that, as a matter of fact, Shepard was not ready for action. However, current circumstances had not allowed her more time to work on Shepard on the operating table. For now, she would have to keep a very close eye on her project, hoping that Shepard's willpower and all her implants would be enough to sustain her before she fully recovered.

"We should be there shortly, Shepard," Miranda broke the silence, stealing Shepard's attention away from the view outside. "The Illusive Man put us under your command. Do you have any orders?"

That softer look was gone in the blink of an eye. "Are you sure you'll be comfortable following my orders?"

Whatever her flaws might be, at least Shepard was refreshingly straight forward, Miranda appreciated that.

"We didn't bring you back from the dead just to second guess you, Commander," Jacob told her. "If the Illusive Man said you're in charge, you're in charge."

Satisfied, Shepard nodded. "What did you find in the other colonies?"

"Nothing," said Jacob. "No signs of attack, no corpses. Not even a trace of unusual genetic material to give us a clue. They just disappear, and we've got no target to go after."

Shepard scowled mildly. "What makes you think this investigation will turn up anything new?"

"At other colonies, official investigators got there first. Sometimes looters or salvage teams as well. We're hoping to be the first ones there this time. Maybe find clues before somebody else disturbs the scene."

The commander nodded again. "Our first priority is to look for survivors."

_Not again._ "That's unlikely, Commander," said Miranda. "No one was left at the other colonies. They were completely deserted."

"Be nice to find somebody," Jacob commented. "Anything's better than another ghost town."

* * *

Location: Freedom's Progress

It was another ghost town with nothing but mechs. Shepard peeked out of her cover and fired at another one. The gun had started to become heavy in her hands, Shepard noticed with dismay. And she had missed shots in the last round of attack, shots she would never have missed before. They had only landed in less than half an hour, and fatigue had already reared its ugly head. That was something that had never happened before, not even during her rookie year. What the hell had happen to her?

Miranda had told her she had not fully recovered, but how far away from full recovery, Miranda had never mentioned. Judging from the dull pain on her torso and her legs, Shepard estimate perhaps she was 80% recovered, tops. But still, she had been through worse and survived. Pain would only heighten her senses.

Although she did morbidly wonder if she would one day fall apart, piece by piece.

Miranda disabled the weapons on a group of mechs before lifting another group in the air with her biotics. That was something Kaidan would have done, Shepard though while shooting the disabled mechs one by one systematically.

"You sure we haven't triggered any silent alarms?" asked Shepard, reloading her rifle.

"Positive," said Jacob after killing the last mech.

"So where the hell did they come from?" Shepard mumbled to herself as she entered the next building, only to find this one occupied.

"Stop right there!" warned a quarian.

As much as she was glad to find survivors, Shepard was less than pleased to have a gun pointing at her. She aimed her rifle right at his helmet. "Put that down. Now," said Shepard firmly. "We're here to help."

A female quarian hurried over. "Prazza! You said you'd let me handle this!" She pushed his gun down and turned to Shepard.

Shepard's eyes couldn't be any wider. Even with her face hidden behind the mask, Shepard knew that voice all too well. "Tali?"

"Wait..." Tali gasped. "...Aerin?"

Shepard lowered her gun immediately. A grin of relief spread on her face; it was good to finally see a familiar face.

"I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives!" claimed Prazza.

"Put those weapons down!" Tali ordered and took a few steps closer to Shepard. "Aerin Shepard? Is that... Is that really you?"

Shepard nodded, grinning.

"Shepard? Bullshit," said Prazza. "Your old captain's dead, Tali."

"It's me, Tali," said Shepard, thinking of a way to prove herself. "I gave you the Geth data, did that help you? And you love Fleet and Floatila since you were a kid, you watched it every time you had a sleepover, and you know how to sing that song-"

Her words were interrupted by an abrupt hug from her friend.

"Keelah!" Tali squeezed her hard. "You're alive!"

Shepard returned the hug, her smile widened. "Recently. I was dead and was revived."

"But... how?"

And just like that, Shepard's grin disappear. She took a step back. But instead of answering, she nodded at the gun pointing at her.

"Prazza, weapons down!" yelled Tali in exasperation. "This is definitely Commander Shepard."

"Why is she working for Cerberus?"

"I... don't know," said Tali.

"I died, Tali," said Shepard. "Cerberus spent two years rebuilding me."

"What?!"

Shepard decided to skip the Reapers part for now. There was no point in inducing panic before a conclusion had arrived. "They want me to investigate attacks on human colonies."

"Likely story," said Prazza with a hmph. "No organization would commit so many resources to bring back one soldier."

"You haven't seen Shepard in action, Prazza," said Tali. "Trust me, it was money well spent."

_You might change your mind if you knew the number..._ Shepard skipped that part as well. Instead, she glanced at Tali's team. A few quarians were injured, lying on the floor, while the rest were tending to them. Gunshot wounds, Shepard noticed, most likely attacked by the mechs outside. "What are you doing here, Tali?"

"We are here looking for a young quarian named Veetor. He was here on Pilgrimage."

"A quarian visiting a remote human colony for his Pilgrimage?" Shepard wondered out loud.

"Veetor likes the idea of helping a small settlement," Tali explained. "He was always... nervous in crowds."

"She means that he was unstable," said Prazza. "Combine that with damage to his suit's CO2 scrubbers and infection from an open-air exposure, and he's likely delirious."

Tali nodded. "When he saw us landing, he hid in a warehouse on the far side of the town. We suspect he also programmed the mechs to attack anything that moved."

"We'll help you find him," said Shepard.

"Commander-" Miranda started.

But Shepard cut her off, "Veetor is the only one who can tell us what happened here. We need to find him before he's too sick to talk." She then turned back to Tali. "We'll work together, just like old times."

"Good idea." Tali nodded. "You'd need two teams to get pass the drones anyway."

"Now we're working with Cerberus?" asked Prazza.

"No, Prazza, you're working for _me_," said Tali with an air of authority. "If you can't follow orders, go wait on the ship."

Shepard shook her head and hid a proud smirk. Her young friend had definitely grown up.

"We're better equipped for a frontal assault than they are, Commander," Jacob suggested.

Tali nodded. "Head for the warehouse in the center of the colony. We'll circle the far side and draw off the drones to clear your path."

"Your people really don't like Cerberus," Shepard observed. "What did I miss?"

"They killed our people," said Prazza, "infiltrated our floatila, and tried to blow up one of our ships."

"That's not how I would've explained it exactly," said Miranda with a shrug. "It was nothing personal."

Shepard cast a glance at Miranda. "The end justifies the means again?"

"We could argue who kill who later," said Jacob. "Right now we've got a job to do."

"Agree," said Tali. "We'll work together to get to Veetor."

"Make sure to keep in radio contact," Shepard suggested.

"Will do. Good luck, Aerin. Whatever happens, it's good to have you back."

For the first time since she had woken up on that cold hard operating table a few hours ago, Shepard finally felt good to be back.

* * *

Location: Freedom's Progress Warehouse

The warehouse was empty, except for a quarian sitting in front of a control station. _Finally, a witness to give us some answers_, Miranda thought as she followed Shepard into the warehouse.

"Monsters coming back," a quarian mumbled to himself without noticing their presence. "Mechs will protect. Safe from swarms. Have to hide. No monsters. No swarms. No-no-no-no-no."

"Veetor?" Shepard called out.

"No Veetor," said the quarian as he continued to type away on the panel. "Not here. Swarms can't find. Monsters coming. Have to hide."

"Veetor," Shepard tried again without success.

"I don't think he can hear you, Commander," said Jacob.

Miranda snorted softly. "Great. We come all this way, and our only witness is a babbling idiot." As much as she would like to smack the quarian herself, she had to let Shepard handle the situation. After all, her boss had put her under Shepard's command; this was Shepard's show.

"Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore," Shepard assured the young quarian. "You're safe now, Veetor. Tali'Zorah sent me."

"Swarms coming. Storm coming. Storm of swarms. Mechs will protect. Heave to hide. Have to hide."

Shepard's omni-tool lit up. Miranda watched curiously as the commander's fingers danced on its screen briefly. A second later, all the screens turned dark. The quarian startled at the sudden change and turned his attention to them at last. Miranda raised an eyebrow at the Shepard's action; it was simple but effective.

"You're... not one of them," the quarian mumbled. "You're human. They... they didn't find you?"

"Who didn't find us?" asked Miranda.

"The... the monsters. The swarms. They took everyone."

"We're not survivors, Veetor," said Shepard. "We just got here."

"You don't know. You didn't see. But I see everything." He turned to press a few keys and the screens once again came to live.

Miranda quickly scanned across all of them. "Looks like security footage. He must have pieced it together manually."

"What the hell is that?" asked Jacob, pointing at a particular movement on the footage.

Miranda paused the vid and focused on it. _It can't be._ Frowning, she zoomed in to take a closer look. "My god. I think it's a Collector."

"Collector?" asked Shepard.

"They're species from somewhere beyond the Omega 4 relay," Jacob explained. "Only a few people have seen one in person."

"They usually work through intermediaries," Miranda added, "like slavers or hired mercenaries. If they're involved with the Reapers somehow, it could explain what happened to the colonies."

Jacob nodded in agreement. "The Collectors have advanced technology. They could have a weapon that disables an entire settlement at once."

"The seeker swarms," said Veetor. "No one can hide. The seekers find you. Freeze you. Then the monsters take you away."

"Why didn't the Collectors take you?" asked Shepard.

"Swarms didn't fine me. Monsters didn't know I was here."

"The Collectors aren't known for being careless," said Jacob. "Maybe his enviro suit kept him from showing up on their sensors."

_No, there has to be more to it..._ Miranda pondered for a second. "Or they were using technology specifically designed to detect humans," she suggested, then backed up with a solid reason, "Only human colonies have been hit."

The knot between Shepard's brows only tightened at that theory. The commander then turned back to the quarian. "Tell me more about these swarms."

"It's how they find you. Seeker clouds. Machines like tiny insects. They'll go everywhere. They find you then they sting you. Freeze you."

"Sounds like miniature probes, maybe," said Miranda. "Find victims and immobilize them with a stasis field or a nerve toxin."

"Go on, Veetor," Shepard encouraged. "What happened next?"

"The monsters took the people onto the ship, and then they left. The ship flew away. But they'll be back for me. No one escapes!"

"I think that's probably all we're getting out of him, Commander," said Jacob.

"Thank you, Veetor," said Shepard kindly. "You've been very helpful."

"I studied them. The monsters. The swarms. I record them with my omni-tool. Lots of readings. Electro-magnetic. Dark energy."

Miranda arched an eyebrow and suggested quickly before Shepard had any other ideas, "We need to get this data to the Illusive Man." She then turned to Jacob. "Grab the quarian and call the shuttle to come pick us up."

The door opened and Tali stepped in. "What? Veetor is injured! He needs treatments, not an interrogation!"

_Great. Perfect timing..._

"We won't hurt him," Jacob assured the quarian. "We just need to see if he knows anything else. He'll be returned unharmed."

"If we give him to you, we'll never get the intel we need," Miranda pointed out.

"You're welcome to take Veetor's omni-tool data," said Tali. "But please, just let me take him."

"You don't have to take Veetor and go," said Shepard. "We could work together. Just like old times."

"I want to, Aerin, but I can't." Tali shook her head. "I've got a mission of my own. It's too important for me to abandon. Even for you. When it's over, and I'm still alive, we'll see what happens..."

Shepard scowled faintly. "That sounds dangerous. What are you doing?"

"I don't think Cerberus needs to hear about it," said the quarian, pointedly ignored both Miranda and Jacob. "But it's in Geth's space, that should tell you how important it is."

_You don't have to tell us. We'll find out soon enough._

Shepard turned to Miranda. "He's traumatized and he needs medical care. Tali will give us the omni-tool data and take him to the floatilla."

_You've got to be kidding me._ Holding back a scowl, Miranda decided to compromise. "We'll make sure that he's treated before we question him further, if that's what you're worried about. Our medical facility is much better equipped than their ship. We can get him to the closest on in less than an hour."

"No," said Shepard decisively. "We'll copy the data. Veetor will go back to Tali."

It was nothing but a sentimental decision, a waste of a perfect opportunity to question the sole witness surviving a giant mystery. Yet, it was Shepard's show, Miranda reminded herself begrudgingly.

"Understood, Commander." Her voice was crisp, her tone was icy, her disapproval was unmistakable. Her unspoken message couldn't scream 'it was a big mistake' louder without explicitly stating the obvious. Still, Shepard didn't seem to care as she proceeded to copy the data onto her omni-tool.

While Shepard had proven her combat prowess despite her current physical condition, her questionable judgments still remained as a major concern. Miranda could only wish her project wouldn't turn out to be a liability to their cause. One very expensive liability at that.

* * *

A/N: Flashback from Ch26 "Shepard's Six", rewritten from Shepard's POV. Why all the flashbacks? Think about them as those "previously on [insert TV show title]" clips shown before an episode. For the benefits of those who didn't read part 1, and those who have forgotten what went on. I'll rewrite them from different POV though, giving you two different takes on the same event, because all stories have multiple sides. Glad I've the chance to explore from different angles.

Update seems slower than part 1, it's because I'm writing different chapters of part 2 at the same time. Right now, I have up to ch 13 about a certain email Shepard had received. Yeah, that one...

Thanks for reading, and thank you for the reviews!


	5. Chapter 4: Tebula Rasa

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.

Chapter 4: Tebula Rasa

Year: 2183CE

Location: SSV Normandy SR-1 Bridge

_Ilos, the lost planet, was right in front of her. Time to end this once and for all. _

"_Drop us in the mako," Shepard ordered. _

"_You need at least a hundred meters of open terrain to pull of a drop like that," said Pressly. "The most I can find near Saren is twenty."_

"_Twenty meters? We can't make a drop in there."_

"_We have to try."_

"_Find another landing zone."_

"_There is no other landing zone!"_

"_The descend angle is too steep!"_

"_It's our only option."_

"_It's not an option, it's a suicide run!"_

_Shepard's lips thinned as she blocked out all the arguments around her. Her eyes focused on nothing but the numerous Reaper vessels circling the planet._

"_I can do it," said Joker suddenly, silencing everyone on the bridge._

_His was the only opinion that mattered at this crucial moment. Shepard tore her attention away from the ships outside and glanced at the pilot seating right in front of her. "Joker?" asked Shepard, skipping the next three words: Are you sure?_

_There was a second delay in response, very uncharacteristic of the fast-talking pilot. And then came a firm confirmation, "I can do it."_

_That was all Shepard needed to hear. She turned to her team and ordered, "Gear up and head down to the mako. Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard."_

_The pilot nodded. "Aye, aye, Commander."_

_Her team dissipated from the crowded cockpit. Shepard lingered behind and gave a customary pat on her pilot's shoulder before leaving._

"_Hey, Commander," Joker called out._

_Shepard stopped in her tracks. "Yeah?"_

"_Good luck down there."_

_She nodded, noticing that slight hesitation in his voice. He needed her, Shepard suddenly realized, not just as a friend but as a leader. "You are the best pilot, Joker. If anyone can pull this off, it's you."_

_His usually cocky grin reappeared. "Damn right I am."_

"_Now is your chance to show off your skill, Mister," Shepard told him with a hint of smirk. "Drop us in nice and quiet, and drinks are on me when this is over."_

_Joker's grin widened. "Yes, ma'am! Oh, and Commander? Punch that bastard for me." He tipped his cap at her just like the first time he had met her. _

_Shepard smiled fondly at the memories of those peaceful days before she turned and headed down to the mako. She didn't need to believe a word she had just said, she only needed him to believe her, and in turn, believe in himself. Because their lives, as well as the faith of the galaxy, now rested in the skillful hands of the pilot she had come to trust and like._

_Joker would not screw this up, Shepard knew. He couldn't. _

* * *

Year: 2185CE

Location: Cerberus Space Station

"Shepard," the Illusive Man greeted. "Good work on Freedom's Progress. The quarians forwarded their findings on Veetor's debriefing. No new data, but it's a surprising olive branch given our history. You and I have different methods, but I can't argue with your results."

_But I can argue with your methods._ "You ever think about playing nice once in a while?"

The Illusive Man didn't seem to be insulted, not even a bit. "Diplomacy is great when it works, but difficult when everyone perceive you as a threat. But more importantly, you confirmed that the Collectors are behind the abductions."

_Confirmed?_ Shepard raised an eyebrow at that interesting choice of word. "Why do I have a feeling that you knew about them already?"

"I had my suspicions," the Illusive Man admitted, "but I needed proofs. The Collectors are enigmatic at best. They periodically travels to the Terminus Systems, looking to gather seemingly unimportant items or specimens. Usually in exchange for their technology. When their transactions are complete, they disappeared as quickly as they arrived, back beyond the unmapped Omega 4 Relay. Until now we have no evidence of direct aggression by the Collectors."

Shepard remained quiet for a second, digesting all the information. Collectors, Omega 4 Relay, those were all unfamiliar to her. Did the Alliance know about all these? Questions started popping up inside her head by the dozens; she needed answers.

"What do we know about the Omega 4 Relay?"

"Only that no ship passing through it has ever returned. Our best guess it the relay reacts differently to Collector vessels, allowing them safe passage. If they can manipulate relays, that's just further evidence of the connection with the Reapers."

"What are the Collectors getting from these deals?"

"The Collectors aren't very forthcoming about their motives. Genarally they seek out species with rare genetic mutations or abnormalities. They pay slavers and merc groups exorbanant sums to obtain these specimens, and then they leave. But they've never targeted a single specie before, and the previous sample sizes were in the dozens, not the tens of thousands."

"Any ideas why they've shifted their attention to humans?"

"If they're agents for the Reapers, it could be any number of reasons. Obviously, humanity has played a huge role in Sovereign's destruction. That might have been enough to draw their attention. What really concerns me is why they bother abducting the colonists. Once the humans are paralyzed, why not just kill them?"

As much as Shepard was impressed by the Illusive Man's knowledge, she also noticed his answers never reveal anything more than what she asked. "You're holding something back. How do you know the Reapers are involved?"

"The patterns are there, buried in the data. The Council and the Alliance want to believe the Reaper threat died with Sovereign, you and I know better. I won't wait until the Reapers are on the march. We need to take the fight to them."

Shepard had to agree with him. The best defense sometimes was offense. "If this is a war, I'll need an army. Or a really good team."

"I've already compiled a list of soldiers, scientists, and mercenaries. You'll get dossiers of the best of them. Finding them and convincing them to work with you could be challenging, but you're a natural leader-"

"Keep your list," Shepard cut him off. "I already have a team. I want people I trust – the ones who helped me stop Saren and the Geth."

For a fraction of a second, the Illusive Man seemed mildly amused. "That was two years ago, Commander. Most of them have moved on or their allegiances have changed."

_Not my team, _Shepard almost blurted out. "Is there something I should know?"

"Take a look at the dossiers before you dismiss them. You'll need all the help you can get to win this war. I'll continue to track the Collectors, when they make their next appearance, I'll notify you and your team. Be ready."

_So you're my boss now?_ Shepard held back a snort. "What about Miranda and Jacob? Are they coming with me?"

"They are."

Shepard had a feeling it wasn't even negotiable, but still she had to try. "And if I don't want them?"

"You've seen them in action in Freedom's Progress. They're some of the best, they can help you. I've put them under your command. You can trust them."

"Am I supposed to trust them just because you say so?"

"There's no one more protective of you than Miranda; she has spent two years of her life rebuilding you. You might not get along with her right now, but you two have more in common than you think. As for Jacob, he used to be with the Alliance, he knows how to follow orders and he respects you." He studied her for a second. "You're a leader, Shepard. You might not get who you want, but you'll get who you need."

"What I need is an army. I'm still a Spectre, maybe I can get the Council or the Alliance to help us out."

Again, that ever-so slightly hint of amusement slipped through his tone. "If you think you can convince them, by all means." The Illusive Man paused then gave Shepard an unreadable look. "Just remember, you've been gone a long time. Things have changed."

* * *

That ice queen Miranda spoke only three words to him when Joker arrived at the space station: Shepard's down there.

It was all she needed to send him limping away as quickly as his legs could carry him. If this turned out to be a hoax, Joker swore on anything that was unholy that he would quit his job as a pilot for Cerberus. As much as he loved a good joke, something was sacred and never meant to be messed around with. To him, one of those things was the captain of his beloved SSV Normandy SR1, the woman who had died two years ago because of him.

He had heard rumors about a project called Lazarus, that Cerberus was rebuilding Shepard in their secret lair. But Joker wasn't born yesterday; he had read his share of conspiracy theories on the extranet. Hell, he might even help start one or two of them. Allegedly, of course. While resurrection ranked pretty low on the crazy meter in terms of rumors and conspiracies, never had it directly hit home to him.

He had seen Shepard spaced. No one could ever survived that, not even _the_ Commander Shepard. And a few hours ago they had told him Shepard was back, and he was assigned to be her pilot once more.

_Yeah, right._ Joker snorted. _And I just got back from running a marathron..._

Jeff Moreau was no sucker; he had to see it to believe it. Maybe they meant an advanced VI of Shepard, or even a mech with a hot body and her likeness as its face. That was certainly more likely that raising the dead.

Joker wasn't sure what to expect when he hobbled down the stairs. The room was dark. Light from the stairs illuminated the back of a woman. Judging by the silhouette, that was no VI, or not even mech. It was a woman in armor, same height and build as his former commander.

"All right. What's the other thing?" the woman asked the hologram of the Illusive Man. Even her voice was the same as Shepard.

_Shit! No... Really?_

"I've found a pilot I think you might like. I've heard he's one of the best, someone you can trust."

The scanners around her began to power down slowly as the meeting was concluded. Joker waited with thousands thoughts racing through his mind. If this was really Shepard, would she hate him? He was the reason she hadn't escaped with the rest of the crew. He was the reason she had died. What if she was still pissed at him and decided to beat the shit out of him? _Well, I deserve it,_ Joker thought. If breaking every one of his bones would make her forgive him, he would still consider it a bargain.

The woman turned around. Light now shone on her face. She squinted momentarily to adjust to the brighter light, and Joker took that time to take a good look at her face before she beat him up. Standing in front of him in her new armor was really the one and only Commander Shepard. Alive and breathing and blinking. Cerberus had not been shitting him after all; they had really brought back the dead.

_Son of a bitch! They did it!_

Shepard's blue eyes widened when they landed on him. Joker couldn't contain his grin even when an ass-kicking of his lifetime was just around the corner. "Hey Commander. Just like old times, huh?"

"Joker?" Shepard closed the distance with two strides of her long legs. "It's you!"

Joker braced for a punch in the face when Shepard raised her arm, but instead he was pulled into a hug. Being smashed against her armor wasn't exactly the most comfortable, but Joker had never been happier in the past two years.

"Ouch, my ribs!" he complained yet hugged her back just as fiercely.

She let go of him with a wide grin on her face. Joker was close enough to check out the newly resurrected Commander Shepard. Besides the fresh scars on her face and that red glow in her eyes, she looked exactly the same. Whatever space magic Cerberus had pulled to reconstruct her was nothing short of a miracle.

"Can't believe it's you, Joker," said Shepard with a shake of her head, smiling.

"Look who's talking! I saw you get spaced." Joker hobbled back up the stairs, leading her out of that creepy dungeon.

Shepard followed. "Got lucky. With a lot of strings attached. How'd you get here?"

That wiped the grin on his face. "Long story."

"I'm listening."

Joker knew. She always had. "It all fell apart without you, Commander. Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted it gone. The team was broken up, records sealed, and I was grounded. The Alliance took away one thing that mattered to me. Hell yeah, I joined Cerberus."

"What happened to the rest of the crew?" asked Shepard. "I've heard most of them survived."

"Most did. Pressly didn't."

"Where are they now?"

Joker shrugged. "I don't know. Kaidan's still with the Alliance. I've no idea where the rest of them are. We just sort of drifted apart. The Alliance didn't care. I don't think they liked all the non-humans in your crew. We were your team, Commander. With the Normandy destroyed and you gone, there wasn't much keeping us together."

Shepard went quiet for a moment. He recognized that thoughtful look. The commander was calculating her next step, no doubt, or perhaps even the next ten steps. Joker noticed her scars had the same red glow as her eyes. What she had been through to live again, he couldn't even begin to guess.

"You really trust The Illusive Man?" asked the commander.

He snorted. "I don't trust anyone who makes more than I do. But they aren't all bad. Saved your life. Let me fly... And there's this." He motioned her over to the windows looking over to the hanger. A grin spread on his face when he saw the beauty sleeping inside. Spotlights flickered on one by one to showcase the ship waiting for them. And it was not just any ship. It was a new and improved SR1, the SR2 model.

Joker heard an audible gasp from Shepard.

"They only told me last night." He glanced over at the commander and saw a same grin on her face too. "It's good to be home, huh, Commander?"

Shepard stared at the new ship with wide eyes. "Sure is..." she breathed, nodding. "I guess we have to give her a name."

"Normandy," they said in unison.

"Can't think of any better name," said Shepard.

"The new Normandy and the new Shepard. Now all we need to do is to stir up some shit and have the Council ignore our warnings, then it'll be just like old times."

"Commander." Miranda approached. "If that's the name you want, I'll tell them to put it on right away. Then we can prepare to take off."

Shepard nodded. "Do it."

Joker hid a smirk. It sure was nice to see Shepard bossing the ice queen around. As hot as she was, Miranda scared the shit out of him. But that didn't stop him from sneaking a peek at her asset as she walked away to carry out her orders. Okay, maybe more than a peek.

When Joker turned his attention back to Shepard, he saw her staring longingly at their brand new Normandy, lost in her own thoughts. As smoothly as their reunion had been going so far, there was one thing Joker had to do – something that had been stuffed inside his chest for the past two years. Now he finally had the chance to do it.

"Hey Commander..."

Shepard didn't move, but he saw a slight arch of her eyebrow to acknowledge him.

_Here goes..._ "Look, I'm really sorry-"

She turned to him and met his eyes. "I don't blame you, Jeff."

Joker had no idea how much he needed to hear this from her until now. A weight that had been dragging him down since that day two years ago was now dropped with those five simple words.

"I'm going to find out who attacked us and make them pay for what they did to us," Shepard continued. "I promised you that, remember? For now, let's focus on the Collectors and the Reapers. We've beat them once, we'll beat them again."

That's the Shepard he had come to like and respect. It sure felt good to have her back. Joker nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! I'm with you one hundred percent, Commander! Let's give them hell."

* * *

Shepard watched as they painted the name on the ship. Normandy. A new ship, a new armor, and a new team. A clean slate for a second chance in life. At least she still had her old pilot. There was no one she trusted more than Joker to fly her around.

But then again, perhaps not everything had to be new. She could contact her old team. Kaidan was still with the Alliance. Garrus was probably a Spectre by now. Perhaps Liara was in some remote site digging once more. And Wrex... Shepard couldn't even begin to guess where her krogan friend was. Two years ago they had gotten together by chance – or fate if she believed in that sort of thing. But the galaxy is huge, even if she could find them, would they be willing to join her once again?

Shepard shook her head, shoving away all her doubts. They would come and help her, of course they would. Things might have changed, like the Illusive Man had emphasized, but bonds like the ones she shared with her team, those could not be easily broken. Not even with time, no matter how many years had passed.

* * *

A/N: Flashback from Ch 30 "Ilos". Thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 5: It's Good to be Home

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.

Chapter 5: It's Good to be Home

Year: 2185CE

Location: Normandy SR-2

"Welcome aboard the new Normandy, Commander," said Jacob.

Shepard sucked in a breath of cool air, awe-struck by her brand new ship. Although she had been on numerous Alliance vessels, the new Normandy was unlike any ship she had ever seen. From the outside, the sheer size of the SR-2 was impressive enough – about twice as big as the original Normandy, but it was the interior that took her breath away. Brightly lit hallway guided her gaze towards the CIC waiting for her to her right, while various control panels in the state of the art cockpit called for her attention to her left.

The pilot seat twirled around, revealing Joker sitting comfortably in his new throne.

"Can you believe this, Commander?" Joker grinned ear to ear at her. "It's my baby, better than new! It fits me like a glove!"

Shepard approached with her head shaking at her pilot's excitement. At least one of them was enjoying their current predicament. A ghost of smile surfaced before she realized it.

Joker patted the arm rest of his seat. "And leather seats! Military may set the hardware standard, but on a first-gen frigate they couldn't care less if the seats breathe." He nodded with approval. "Civilian sector comfort by design."

Joker was right. Unlike the utilitarian military version SR-1, the civilian version SR-2 blended luxury and function in its design. Shepard could get used to this...

A holographic globe popped up on one side of the helm, catching Shepard's attention. "The reproduction is not intended to be perfect, Mr. Moreau," said a mechanical yet feminine voice. "Seamless improvements were made."

"And there's the downside..." Joker muttered grumpily, giving the blue globe a side eye.

Shepard couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at it. "Who are you?"

"I am the Normandy's artificial intelligence," said the globe with its lights blinking as though it was moving its mouth with each word. "Enhanced defense intelligence. The crew like to refer to me as EDI."

_An AI?_ Shepard's eyebrow raised further. "Helmsmen aren't happy when someone takes control of a ship away from them," she pointed out. "Especially Joker."

"Yeah, what she said." Joker nodded.

"I do not helm the ship," EDI clarified. "Mr. Moreau's talents will not go to waste. During combat, I operate the electronic warfare and cyberwarfare suites. Beyond that, I cannot interface with the ship's systems. I observe and offer analysis and advice. Nothing more." EDI switched off by itself.

"I liked the Normandy when she's beautiful and quiet," said Joker, still glaring at the now-empty station where EDI had been just a second ago. "Now she's got this thing I don't want to talk about. It's like ship cancer."

"Everything has a price, Joker," Shepard told her pilot with a silent sigh. "Consider EDI the price you have to pay to get your baby back." The price she had to pay for her life was even higher – working with the enemies.

"Now we're all gonna be monitored by an AI 24/7. Jerks..." Joker made a face, to which Shepard merely shook her head and gave him a comforting pat on his shoulder. In that particular moment, time seemed to have melted away and they were once again back on the bridge of SR-1. Shepard swore if she turned around, she would find Kaidan patiently waiting for her only a few steps away, as always.

But when she turned around, it wasn't Kaidan who was behind her.

"Shall we, Commander?" asked Miranda, gesturing towards the CIC.

Being flung back to reality and landed hard on her ass, Shepard swallowed the bitter disappointment and headed down the hall.

While her pilot seemed right at home on the new SR-2, Shepard, however, needed a moment to get used to the sheer size of the CIC. Cerberus not only made one hell of an armor, apparently they could build one hell of a ship.

"I've been looking over the dossiers," Miranda started. "I'd strongly recommend starting by acquiring Mordin Solus, the salarian professor on Omega. We know the Collectors use some type of advanced technology to immobilize their victims. We'll need him to develop a countermeasure to protect us."

"Agree," said Shepard. "Without that countermeasure, we'll be helpless if we ever run into the Collectors."

"Commander," a few crew members greeted as they headed to their stations.

Shepard glanced around. The ship seemed to have a full crew already. "You assembled a crew in such short notice?"

"We've been preparing for this day for two years," said Jacob. "Ever since we recovered your body and started Project Lazarus."

Miranda nodded. "The Normandy has a full crew. They're at their stations awaiting for your orders. Jacob is in charge of the weapons in the armory. I'll be your executive office, my office next to the mess hall. We should return to our posts. Come find us if you have any questions."

Jacob gave her a sharp salute before leaving with Miranda. Shepard took a moment to get her bearings and wrap her head over everything – her death, her resurrection, her collaboration with Cerberus, and now the new ship and new crew.

Her new ship. Cerberus had spared no expense in rebuilding her, and from the look of it, they had the same policy with the new Normandy.

Without warning, the floor underneath her boots began to wiggle and the ship started to spin. Shepard immediately held onto the railing nearby, using all the strength that was left to steady her body. The headache she had been ignoring, as well as the pain in her torso, had come back to haunt her. It wouldn't do any good for the morale if the captain collapsed in the CIC before the ship even set sail. Shepard had to find her cabin, and she'd better find it fast.

"Commander Shepard," a red-haired woman approached to her with a warm smile.

Shepard cursed silently and straightened up.

"...Are you all right?" asked the woman when she studied Shepard's face.

"I'm fine." Shepard wondered if her armor was the only thing that was holding her together like a shell.

"I am Yeoman Kelly Chambers. I've been assigned as your administrative assistant." The yeoman gave her a salute. "I'll manage your messages and help you monitor the crew."

_My secretary? You serious? _"I don't need anyone going through my messages."

"Don't worry, Commander. I respect of your privacy and the privacy of others. I don't read your mails."

Shepard held back a frown. "Isn't that a task better suited for a VI?"

"Yes, but being your yeoman is just my official role. Unofficially, I observe the crew," said Kelly. "Everyone knows how risky our mission is. Many of us may not be coming back. That's a lot of pressure. I have a degree in psychology. I'm good at sensing when people are overly taxed. I make sure the crew's mental health is sounded. I look for warning signs. I listen. It's not a full-time job, and it's most effective when it's done informally."

A shrink serving on a warship. Somehow, that reminded Shepard of that space-adventure book series she used to read as a kid. "It's good to have someone with your skill on board, Miss Chambers."

"Thank you, Commander. But please, call me Kelly. I was hand-picked by the Illusive Man to help fight the greatest threat known humanity. I've heard so much about you. I must say, it's such an honor to work under you, Commander Shepard."

_Not everything you hear is true._ Shepard didn't know why this woman was so genuinely excited to work for Cerberus. For now, she didn't care, not when her skull was splitting in halves.

"Let me show you to your cabin."

"Thanks, Kelly."

Kelly led her into the elevator. "How are you feeling, Commander?"

_How am I feeling?_ Shepard shut her eyes momentarily to control the pain._ This entire thing feels like a nightmare. All I need to do is to wake up and all these will be gone. When I open my eyes, the first thing I'll see is Kaidan sleeping next to me. None of this has happened, none of this is real..._

When she opened her eyes, she was still in the moving elevator, and her companion was still the over-enthusiastic yeoman, not the man she was supposed to spend her life with. Reality once again left that bitter taste inside her mouth.

"Commander? Are you all right? You don't look too well."

"Still getting used to being alive again."

Kelly nodded sympathetically. "It must be a traumatic experience to die and come back alive."

_You have no idea..._ "I'll be fine."

"If you need to talk, my door is always open."

Thankfully the elevator stopped, Shepard stepped out immediately.

Kelly opened the door to the only room on this floor. "Welcome home, Commander."

Shepard's eyes widened at the space inside. And she thought the CIC was impressive...

"Bathroom is here. Private terminate over at the study. Living space down there. And my absolute favorite feature – a window right above your bed, so you can count the stars right before you fall asleep every night."

Shepard took a few seconds to take in every feature in the room. Even though she had never seen the inside of any admiral's private office, she would bet all her money that this was even more luxurious than Hackett's fifth fleet cabin.

Something along the wall caught her eyes. "Is that a... fish tank?"

"Yes, it is. It's empty right now, but we can stock up with some exotic fish. If you're too busy, I can take care of them for you. After a stressful day, there's nothing more relaxing that sitting there on the couch and sipping a glass of wine and watching your fish swim freely in this tank while listening to music from the stereo system by your bedside."

Shepard chose not to comment on Chambers' personal choice for relaxation. She preferred a gun and a shooting range with Garrus, or a quiet night with Kaidan.

"Should I give you a tour to the rest of the ship?"

"I'll find my way."

"Okay, Commander. If you change your mind, let me know. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask EDI."

"EDI is here too?"

Right on cue, a blue globe popped up on a console by the door. "Yes, Shepard."

Shepard scowled. "Is there no privacy?"

"I'm afraid you can't turn EDI off, Commander," said Kelly. "EDI _is_ the Normandy. It would be like asking you not to feel your hand when it's part of you."

_At least my hand doesn't watch me sleep._ Jokerwas right on the money, they were being watched by an AI 24/7."Is there anything else I should know?"

"Doctor Chakwas asked you to see her as soon as you have time."

"Chakwas?" Shepard couldn't believe her ears. "Karin Chakwas?"

"Yes, the same Dr. Chakwas who has served with you."

"She left the Alliance?"

"She joined us after she knew you're with us. So did our engineers as well as many of our crew. We believe in you, Commander. We believe you will defeat the Collectors and the Reapers."

_...No pressure._

Kelly continued with a smile, "Everyone knows you are the hero of the Citadel. You are humanity's best hope."

Shepard scowled slightly at those titles. Humanity's best hope working with a dangerous terrorist group who experimented on human and other species. There had to be an irony in there, somewhere.

"Also, Operative Lawson mentioned that you should start your physical training with Operative Taylor."

"Here on the ship?"

"Yes. We just finished setting up a gym in the hanger bay. That was a last minute suggestion by Miranda. I think it's a good idea."

Shepard decided to try her luck. "Do we have a shooting range?"

"Shooting range?" Kelly seemed surprised by the question. "Is it safe to have one on the ship?"

"I don't miss," said Shepard. "Not usually..." She had missed too many shots today, probably more than she had in the past decade combined.

"I'm sorry, Commander, we don't have a shooting range. But we do have a bar and a very lovely observation lounge."

"A bar?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You've got to be kidding me."

Kelly smiled. "I'm not. A little drink or two is the best way to wind down after a tough mission."

_Is there anything Cerberus hasn't thought of?_

"You've been through a lot, Commander. Take a moment to breath and collect your thoughts. And if you ever need to talk-"

Shepard cut her off immediately, "I'll let you know."

"The closet by your bed has several sets of outfit for you to choose from when you want to change into something more comfortable. All tailor-made just for you."

They might provide the best outfits, but what Shepard wanted the most was her old hoodie. Although she doubted it was waiting for her inside the closet. It had gone down with the old Normandy along with her old life. And she wanted both of them back.

"The dossiers of your potential new team members are on your terminal. And you have a new message."

A new message? Who already knew she was here? "All right. Thanks."

"If there's nothing else, I'll be in the CIC if you need me."

The second the door closed, Shepard collapsed onto the chair by the desk and doubled over in pain. All the adrenaline she had accumulated in the battlefield had long worn off, so had the pain killer Miranda had given her before Freedom's Progress. Shepard peeled off her gauntlets and tossed them onto the desk. She pressed her hand onto the side of her torso, half-expected to see blood on her palm. Thankfully, there was none. At least not yet. Perhaps it was time to pay Dr. Chakwas a visit before she fell apart piece by piece.

A sudden flicker from the corner of her eye caught her attention. The blank picture frame on her desk blinked and came alive from idle mode when the gauntlets landed right in front of it. Shepard froze at the face inside.

It was Kaidan.

A thousand thoughts rushed to her head. Why was his picture here? How did Cerberus even know about their relationship when they had kept it under wraps? Did they recruit him as well?

No, no, Joker had told her Kaidan was still with the Alliance.

Shepard reached for the frame and stared at the picture within. _They have moved on... Things have changed..._ the Illusive Man's voice rang inside her head. The last time she had seen Kaidan was on the Normandy. To her, the last two years felt nothing more than a nap. To him, it was two years, perhaps two very painfully long years. Things might have changed, but had he?

_No... Not him._

Kaidan needed to know that she was alive, that humanity was at risk, and that she needed him by her side.

Putting down the picture gently, Shepard turned to her terminal. Just as Kelly had told her, a message was waiting for her in the inbox. Shepard blinked hard at the name of the sender: David Anderson.

The message was brief, as with all other messages from Anderson in the past. The councilor wanted to confirm the rumor that she was indeed alive and wanted to meet with her. Shepard should be glad to hear from her mentor – and she was, but there was a part of her that dreaded this meeting. Two years ago, Anderson had ordered her to stop her investigation on Cerberus, not wanting her to tangle with that group. Shepard doubted he would be thrilled to know she was now involved with them. Involuntarily or not.

But if he sent his message here, he already knew about Cerberus... Shepard winced, picturing Anderson's stern disapproval and disappointment inside her head. He was giving her a chance to tell her side of the story though, he couldn't be too mad at her. Besides, she needed Anderson's help, both with the Council and the Alliance. Reluctantly, Shepard hit reply and wrote, _'Rumor is true. I'm alive. Will meet you at Citadel ASAP.'_

Shepard leaned back on the chair, feeling dazed for a moment. If Anderson knew about her, then he would tell Kaidan...

Kaidan, of all people, should hear this news from her directly, Shepard determined. If she hadn't died two years ago, they would probably be married by now...

Shaking her head at what could-have-been and should-have-been, Shepard shoved all the thoughts away and composed a message. She quickly typed in the address she knew by heart then her fingers froze.

What could she say without giving him a heart attack? That she was a four-billion-credit project rebuilt by Cerberus? That she was using Cerberus' resource to fight the Collectors? That she might have gotten the Reapers' attention by killing one of them, and now they're targeting human because of her action?

Shepard stared blankly at the screen. She needed to see him in person, to talk to him, to ask for his advice. She needed his guns, his biotics, his ears, his brain, his shoulder, his arms. She needed him.

_They have moved on... Things have changed..._

Had he? Shepard was almost too afraid to find out. In the end, all she wrote was no more than a few words, _'Kaidan, I've been revived. We need to talk. Aerin.'_

She hit send with a silent sigh then spoke to the comm, "Joker, set a course to the Citadel."

"Aye, aye, Commander." The pilot's cheerful voice rang loud and clear, just like old times. Shepard took a bit comfort in his presence.

She was not alone in this, Shepard reminded herself. Joker was with her, as well as Chakwas. Through Anderson, she would find Kaidan. Maybe from there, she could find Garrus, Wrex, and Liara. Despite what the Illusive Man had said, they would always have her back. This was her mission, her team, her fight to win. Not the Illusive Man's, not Cerberus.

* * *

Location: Normandy SR-2 XO Office

A movement on her monitor stole Miranda's attention from her report. Through the security camera on deck one, she saw Shepard exiting her room and heading to the elevator. Curious, Miranda stopped her work and enlarged the screen.

The first thing that caught her eyes was Shepard's outfit. Among all the outfits that had been put in her closet, Shepard had chosen the standard uniform. Miranda shook her head with disapproval. As the leader of this mission and the captain of this ship, Shepard should have stood out more instead of blending in with the rest of the crew. If she were Shepard, she would have picked that nicely tailored black suit.

Shepard's fashion sense had always been questionable, Miranda had found out ever since she had seen Shepard wearing a hoodie to the Silver Coast casino two years ago. N7-exclusive or not, that shapeless jacket flattered no one, not even Shepard. But as much as she wanted to, Miranda wasn't about to interfere with Shepard's choice of outfit, unless it was mission-related, of course. Well, that didn't mean she couldn't pull a few strings. Shepard didn't have a hoodie in her closet anymore, Miranda had made sure of that.

Miranda cycled through different cameras to track the commander's movements. Shepard's adjustment to her new life had been better than Miranda had expected. Only a day ago, the commander had still been in medically-induced coma, recovering from numerous surgeries. And now, she was among her new crew, greeting everyone politely as she headed to the mess hall. Miranda observed with secret pride.

To this very moment, Miranda was still amazed by her own handiwork. From a charred body, to a pile of cloned organs, to this walking and breathing woman, Shepard had to be her best work yet. Miranda idly wondered if she could ever top this achievement.

Maybe saving humanity and the galaxy would do just that...

Shepard finished a brief chat with their mess sergeant then headed towards the med bay. Another reunion awaited the commander within, that piqued Miranda's interest. She unmuted the volume and watched the reunion unfolded on the monitor.

"Look who's here," said Dr. Chakwas as she stood from her chair and greeted Shepard. "I was worried you'd never come to see me voluntarily."

"I always come to see you, Doc." That was a tone Miranda had never heard from Shepard. The warmth and the hint of mischief was not lost through transmission from the bugs planted in the med bay.

"Not without Kaidan dragging you." The doctor put her hands on Shepard's shoulders and examined her at arm's length. "It's so good to see you again, Commander."

"Good to see you too," said Shepard. "First Joker, now you. They're going out of their way to remake the Normandy crew. Why did you leave the Alliance?"

"Technically, I haven't." Chakwas gave her a warm smile. "I'll tell you all about it after your examination. Maybe even over a glass of wine."

"Or two," Shepard muttered. "Hell, I might need an entire bottle."

"I've heard this ship has a bar, so why not?"

"I'm your patient and you're encouraging me to drink?" A smirk flashed crossed the commander's face.

"Everything in moderation." The doctor pointed at the bed and Shepard obediently sat on it. "Miranda has sent me your file, Commander. I must say, what they've done, it's a modern medical miracle."

_That's one way of putting it_. For a very brief moment, she considered closing that window to give Shepard some privacy, but surely doctor-patient confidentiality could be overrode when she was more than Shepard's doctor, Miranda reasoned. Shepard, first and for most, was _her_ project; whatever Chakwas found out from the examination, she would know sooner or later.

"So you know what they've done to me, how many implants I have inside?" asked the commander, her voice took a quiet turn.

"I do," said the doctor while setting up her equipment.

"What am I, then?" asked Shepard after a brief hesitation. "Am I still considered a human?"

Miranda was taken aback by that question.

Chakwas paused and looked at Shepard. Miranda couldn't see the doctor's face, but Chakwas tone was both firm and comforting when she answered, "You are very much a human, Aerin. You might have more implants than the average soldier, but that doesn't make you anything more or less of a human. You are Commander Aerin Shepard, and your biometrics readings have confirmed it. And before you even ask, no, I don't believe you are a clone either. You still retain memories of the past events, don't you?"

"Every bit of it," said Shepard. "Down to the last second before I passed out in space..."

"There you have it." Chakwas nodded. "There is something we need to talk about later after the examination. Your shirt, please."

Shepard stripped off her shirt and let Chakwas run her scan. Neither the doctor nor the commander spoke a word further.

Chakwas recorded her data before turning to the commander. "I'm not even going to ask you about your pain level on a scale. Just describe to me how bad it is."

"Feels like I've been hit by a mako," said the commander. "Last time I felt like this was after the fight with Saren in the Citadel."

"That was when you had internal injury and concussion. If I recall, Kaidan had to carry you to the hospital."

"Yeah. Scared the hell out of him. He stayed in the hospital with me until I got out..." A smile slowly spread across Shepard's face. The commander's usual stoic mask was all but gone as a much softer expression lingered. Was that the real Shepard? Miranda had to wonder. If so, the trigger point was Alenko... Everyone had their weaknesses, and Miranda had just found one of Shepard's.

"Here, this should help with the pain." The doctor gave Shepard an injection. "No internal bleeding this time. Your organs are still healing. They've brought you back from dead, but your body needs time to recover naturally. I'm not going to confine you in the med bay, we both know you'll find a way to sneak out. But I need to keep an eye on you meanwhile. Report back here everyday, or I'll have Alenko-" Chakwas paused with a chuckle. "I do miss having Kaidan around. No one on this ship can keep you in line anymore. "

"You and me both, Doc."

The doctor put away her instruments before she turned to the commander. "Now about the thing we need to discuss." Chakwas paused. "What you've been through is traumatic, to put it lightly. It's my job to take care of your well-being, in this case, not just physically. Do you have trouble sleeping?"

Shepard shook her head. "Can't say I have. I haven't slept since I woke up on the operating table. Why do you ask?"

"Post-traumatic stress disorder is not uncommon among soldiers, and most wouldn't know that they're suffering from it."

_Oh no, you're not going to tell her that... _Miranda frowned in alarm. They could not afford to have Shepard having a mental break down. Not now, not during this mission.

Chakwas continued, "Recurring nightmares, vivid flashbacks of the traumatic event, sudden panic attacks, those are a few signs to look out for." The doctor's tone turned motherly. "You're not just my commander and my patient, Aerin. You're also a dear friend. I want you to be well. If anyone deserves a second chance in life, it's you."

It was time to cut the reunion short. Miranda grabbed a datapad from her desk and hurried out of her office. Within seconds, she walked through the door into the med bay looking as casually as she could. "Dr. Chakwas, here are the rest of the files on the Lazarus Project." She gave Shepard a glance and saw the commander glaring at her with more than a hint of annoyance. "I see the commander has voluntarily turned herself in."

"Yes. Another miracle," said Chawkas while filing the new data.

"How's our patient?" Miranda asked and noticed the slight frown on Shepard's face when she heard the phrase '_our_ patient.'

"I ran some scans on her implants, they're holding up. I'll forward you the readings. But I'm strongly against sending the commander out onto the battlefield for a week or two. She's not recovered from her surgeries yet, as you know, she needs further observation."

"Thank you, doctor." Miranda then turned to Shepard. Still wearing nothing but her bra, the scars on Shepard's torso were in plain view – scars that Miranda was all too familiar with. After all, she had cut and sealed most of them herself not too long ago. "Your scars will heal soon enough, probably sooner than you expect. That redness in your eyes will subside as well, given time. Before you knew it, you would look just like before, without a scratch. You can start physical training with Jacob to rebuild your muscle tone anytime you want, but don't strain yourself in the first few sessions. You are not fully healed, Commander. Both inside and out."

"Thanks for the reminder," Shepard said dryly as she put her shirt back on. The warmth in her tone was gone.

Miranda ignored the change in the commander's demeanor. "Any questions?"

"Yes. A lot of them. But not about my physical condition."

"Come to my office. I'll answer all the questions you have."

* * *

"I've heard we are heading to the Citadel instead of Omega," said Miranda as she took a seat behind her desk.

The commander nodded. "I need to talk to the Council. Dr. Solus could wait for a day or two."

Miranda knew about Anderson's email but said nothing. Instead, she waved at the seat across from her. "The Council won't mobilize for humanity," she told Shepard. "They've had all these opportunities to act in the past two years but they've done nothing."

"Not when there's proof that these abductions are not random or done by slavers."

"Since when have they ever listened to you?" Miranda pointed out bluntly. "We might have a seat on the Council, but we're still second-class citizens to them."

"I have to at least give it a try."

It's a futile gesture, nothing but a waste of time, Miranda already knew without making a stop at the Citadel. But it would buy them a few days for Shepard to recover further before throwing herself in the midst of battles again. The last thing Miranda wanted was to have Shepard drop dead before the mission ended.

"Very well. I guess Dr. Solus isn't going anywhere in the next few days," Miranda conceded. "While we are in Omega, we can recruit the mercenary called Archangel. A noted sniper, according to the dossier. The Illusive Man has also paid for a bounty hunter called Zaeed Massani. I'll arrange for him to meet us there as well. We're still tracking down the justicar and the drell assassin. I'll inform you once we've found out their latest whereabouts."

Shepard merely nodded.

Miranda had to wonder if the commander had heard a word she had said. "Well, if you have questions, feel free to ask."

Shepard studied her for a short moment. "What exactly are your duties, aside from keeping an eye on me?"

_You _are_ straight forward, Shepard_. "I'm the Illusive Man's agent. You're his most important asset. My job is to make sure you succeed. Aside from that... I send regular reports to the Illusive Man, updating our status."

There was a knowing look flashed across Shepard's face.

"Cerberus isn't as evil as most people believe," said Miranda earnestly. "If I can help allay any of your concerns, I'd be happy to do so."

Shepard leaned back on her seat and began to fire away her questions. "Are you military or political? Or both?"

_Interesting first question..._ "Cerberus has several divisions: Political, military, scientific. But we are all working towards the same goal," Miranda started. "The teams you encountered before your... accident were mostly part of our military division. But not all Cerberus operations use the same protocols. We try not to get bogged down in bureaucracy or formality."

"I know what we're doing here, but what's Cerberus' long-term goal?"

"The advancement of the human race. Nothing more, nothing less." Miranda shrugged. "The salarians have the Special Tasks Group. The asari have their legendary commandos for stealth and recon operations. Cerberus is humanity's answer to those organizations."

"But those organizations are regulated by governments," Shepard countered without missing a beat. "Who keeps Cerberus in check?"

"Nobody. We're privately funded, and our backers trust the Illusive Man to make the right decisions."

Shepard frowned. "One man with all those powers? That's dangerous."

Miranda nodded. "It could be. But he's very clear about our goals: Protect humanity and serve its advancement."

Just when she thought that was more than enough to satisfy the commander's curiosity, Shepard fired another question, "What kind of resources does Cerberus have?"

"We're very well-funded," Miranda answered patiently, "though I doubt anyone other than the Illusive Man knows exactly how well. But our resources aren't unlimited. Reviving you and rebuilding the Normandy was a significant investment. And a significant risk." She gave the commander a cool look.

"What can you tell me about the Illusive Man?" Shepard was relentless; Miranda had started to regret this Q&A session.

"Not much that you don't already know. Even I don't have access to most of his background. And you've seen more of him than most ever do. It's rare for him to become directly involved in missions, but you're something special."

"Four-billion-credit type of special," Shepard mumbled under her breath.

"Four billion and counting." Miranda allowed a tiny smirk to surface. "Whatever else people might say about him, I can assure you he's got humanity's best interests at heart. That includes you and me."

"How can you be sure of that," the commander pushed, "if you know so little about him?"

Miranda kept her cool even though her patience was running dangerously thin. "I didn't get to where I am without knowing how to gauge people's motives and ambitions. Even from brief encounters. He's no saint, and he'd be the first to admit it, but he is committed. Humanity couldn't have a better advocate."

Despite Miranda's earnest effort, Shepard looked anything but convinced. It was time to switch tactic.

"Believe me, Commander, we're not your enemy. We have the same goal here, and our goal is to protect humanity. What is it that people say about the enemy of your enemy?" Miranda observed as the knot between the commander's eyebrows began to ease. Just one more push... "If we don't succeed, if we don't stop the Collectors and the Reapers, everything you've worked so hard to protect will be gone. Everything, and everyone you love..." She let that note hang in the air.

Shepard's gaze sharpened at that as her eyebrow arched up ever-so slightly. That was when Miranda knew Shepard was on board.

And now, the final blow. "I'll help you in every way I can," said Miranda, "but it's up to you to save galaxy. We're all hoping you can do the impossible, Shepard. No pressure."

The look of pure determination on Shepard's face was unmistakable despite her obvious fatigue. Miranda knew she had brought the one and only Commander Shepard back as the woman she used to be – a strong-willed woman with chronic hero syndrome.

Project Lazarus was a great success.

Now, Shepard had to prove her worth, and she'd better do the job she was revived to do: Win this bloody war before it was too late.

–


	7. Chapter 6: Need You Now

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Bioware.

Chapter 6: Need You Now

Year: 2183CE

Location: SSV Normandy SR-1

_There was nothing Shepard hated more than betrayal. Sold out by Udina and grounded in Citadel, Shepard now had no choice but to allow Saren to find the Conduit, a prelude to the Reaper's invasion._

_Shepard punched her locker in frustration. _

_A sharp pain in her torso reminded her of another problem. Shutting her eyes in a poor attempt to control her pain, Shepard held onto her side then turned and leaned against the locker. Her legs gave in, she slid down onto the floor, biting back a grunt. The injuries she had sustained on Virmire wasn't getting any better despite Chakwas' effort. Shepard could only hope it wouldn't get any worse before the end of the mission. The mission she had already been suspended from, Shepard corrected herself bitterly. _

_No, there had to be a way out, she just had to find it. She couldn't give up now, not when she knew about Saren's plan, not when the fate of the galaxy was hanging on a balance. She had too much to lose; everything and everyone she loved would be gone if Saren succeeded._

"_Hey..." she heard a voice calling out._

_There was only one person who would dare to approach her with her current mood, and only one person she wouldn't mind seeing even when she was defeated. Especially when she was defeated. She needed him, not just for his biotics or his gun – she could get those from the rest of her team, but his brain and his shoulder._

_She didn't have to face this crisis alone. He was here with her. The pain began to ease a bit as she relaxed._

_His quiet footsteps stopped next to her. Shepard opened her eyes and looked up. _

"_Hey, are you all right?" Kaidan asked softly._

_She dropped her gaze and stared blankly at the floor in front of her. For a short while, Shepard didn't answer, nor did he press on. For that, she was grateful. _

_She didn't have to lie, not in front of Kaidan. Still, admitting defeat was harder than she had thought. Shepard ran a hand through her hair with a soft sigh before she told him quietly, "No, I'm not." _

_It felt strangely liberating to say that out loud._

_Kaidan sat down on the floor next to her. "I'm sure there's a way to appeal. We're under the Alliance authority after all, not the Council." _

"_I tried everything I could think of." She shook her head. "Official channels are closed. They're quite clear about that."_

"_Closed? And we're supposed to accept that." He frowned. "What about Admiral Hackett? You've helped him more than enough to earn a favor or two from him."_

"_I tried to send an urgent message to Fifth Fleet, it bounced right back. Couldn't contact him. Or Anderson. Or even my mother," said Shepard. "Udina is going out of his way to isolate me."_

"_Does he even have the authority to do that?"_

"_Doubt he cares. Where should I file the complaint to? To his office? The Council?"_

"_So, that's it, huh?" Kaidan snorted with a scowl. "Where do you think the best view will be when the Reapers roll through? If we have to sit it out, might as well get a good seat."_

"_We are not sitting it out," Shepard corrected him firmly. "The entire galaxy is at stake. I'll be damned if I don't do anything. I'll find a way out of this."_

_The smile he gave her was a proud one, Shepard felt oddly pleased by that. Half of her anger had been wiped clean by that smile alone. The power this man had over her was terrifying. "I know you will, Aerin. You always have something up your sleeve. That's what I love about you."_

_She shot him a glance. He loved her, she knew. He had told her that much after Virmire, after she had first confessed out of pure frustration. Shepard had to wonder if either of them would ever spew those three little words if they had never had that fight in the med bay. Most likely not, not until this mission was over. _

"_We're out of the game for now, but they can't keep me down forever," Shepard swore. "First, I need to get a message to Hackett or Anderson..."_

_Kaidan went quiet for a second. He was thinking, Shepard knew. "They're monitoring the Normandy, but they can't monitor every single terminal in the Citadel, not instantly," he pointed out. "We can use a public terminal to send a coded message. It'll be too late for them to intercept it if or when they find out."_

And that's what I love about you._ Shepard continued his line of thought seamlessly, "Encrypting the message with one of the most common codes the Alliance Intel use should be enough to bypass the Council and Udina meanwhile, but allow Hackett and Anderson to decode it easily." _

_They shared a look and a nod, that was all they needed to sign off on their latest plan._

_A heavy load had been lifted off her shoulders, thanks to her lieutenant._ _Shepard let out a heavy breath, feeling tension drained from her muscles. "I've told you before, but..." _I love you._ "I'm really glad you're here."_

_Kaidan smiled at that. "And I've told you, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."_

_Hiding a grin that was threatening to surface, Shepard gave him a teasing glance. "Even with the mess we're in?"_

"_Even with the mess we're in," he answered sincerely. "As long as you are here, this is where I want to be."_

_That smile could no longer be contained. It was a rare moment of peace, and it was fleeting, she knew too well. Soon enough, they would have to head out to carry out their plan, setting all the wheels in motion once more. But now, he was here with her, and they were alone for once. She'd be damned if she didn't steal a moment, however brief it would be. The galaxy could wait for five minutes. _

"_Don't move..." she told him suddenly. _

_Before he could say another word, she leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. She heard his quiet chuckle but ignored the meaning behind that. His warmth was comforting. Her body began to relax against his. Over-due fatigue took over, her eyelids suddenly felt heavy. _

"_It feels... weird," Shepard started in a mumble. "I've been running nonstop for years. Mission after mission. Never thought I would feel this tired. But I am... I'm tired, Kaidan..." _

_He shifted and sneaked his arm around her shoulders to hold her close. Shepard snuggled up comfortably. Despite the mess they were in, despite the threat they were facing, this felt right. This was where she was supposed to be – with him, always. _

_If they could stay like this forever... _

"_You haven't been sleeping well lately," he said quietly._

"_Mm..." She didn't bother to deny it. "Neither have you."_

_He didn't answer._

"_Did you really think I didn't noticed just because you never complained?" she continued. "Your headache is getting worse since Virmire."_

"_Aerin, I-"_

_Shepard tilted her head up to face him. "Don't lie to me, Kaidan. I can tell. Whenever one of those killer headaches comes back, it shows right here." She tapped the spot between his eyebrows. "And it usually hurts the most right here." Her fingers traced to his temple and massaged it gently._

_He relaxed at her touch. "You have enough to worry about..."_

"_Well, like it or not, Mr. Alenko, you've become one of my top priorities." Shepard studied him wistfully. "You have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?"_

_Again, he didn't answer. Instead, his face inched closer to hers. As much as she wanted to let him kiss her, there was still another matter. Shepard placed a hand on his cheek to stop him. "We're grounded in Citadel among all places. We should use this opportunity to have you do a full check-up in one of the best hospitals here," she suggested. "I trust Chakwas, but there's only so much she can do in a med bay."_

"_Only if you're doing a full physical as well," Kaidan bargained. His hand gently rested on her torso. "It still hurts sometimes, and don't tell me it doesn't. Internal bleeding doesn't go away that easily without surgery."_

_Giving her a taste of her own medicine, he was getting good at that. Shepard conceded, "Guess we're heading to the hospital then, after sending out the messages."_

"_Too bad. I was hoping we could finally get spend some time together, just the two of us," he claimed half-jokingly as he got up from the floor, extending one hand to help her up._

Always the gentleman,_ Shepard mused as she accepted the helping hand. "And? What are we going to do? With just the two of us..." _

"_Well, I don't know-" He misjudged the force and pulled too hard. She slammed onto his body and lost her balance momentarily. He reached behind her waist to steady her. Everything happened within a heartbeat. It wasn't until a second later that she realized how close they were once again. His arms were around her, and her hands on his chest. Neither showed any intention of stepping back._

_Holding his gaze with hers, Shepard asked with a voice almost as low as a whisper, "...You don't know?"_

_His gaze traced down from her eyes to her lips and stayed there. What he wanted, she knew all too well. But she decided to have a little fun first._

"_You sure?" she asked again, leaning closer with each word. With her palm planted on his chest, she could feel his heart pounding wildly inside._

_To his credit, Kaidan didn't move one muscle. But even his legendary self-control had its limit, and Shepard determined to crack it._

"_Tell me..." Her nose almost touched his. "What do you want right now?"_

_He breathed out one single word, "You."_

_She was pleasantly surprised by his honesty. "Good..." Holding back a grin, Shepard closed the remaining distance, but left the final step to him. The tip of her nose touched his as she whispered, "Come get it then."_

* * *

Year: 2185CE

Location: Normandy SR-2 Captain's Cabin

She was floating in space, helpless. Her ship, in front of her but far away from her, seemed no bigger than a toy model, dead in the water. Still, from this distance, Shepard could see the name of her ship written boldly in white against the black paint. Normandy. It was her home, her life, and within lived people she loved – her doctor, her pilot, her team, and the man she had promised to spend a lifetime with.

She had to go back.

Shepard fought to move but couldn't.

She had to go back. Kaidan was waiting for her in the Normandy.

Another vessel dropped out of FTL and started shooting at the Normandy. In less than two seconds, her ship exploded in a giant orange fireball. Shepard screamed, but there was no voice.

And then, just as quickly as it happened, it was over. Everything in front of her was gone – the fire, her ship, her friends. She was all alone, floating in space. There was nothing but stars, no sound but a faint hiss. The hiss soon became louder and louder. Shepard realized in terror what was happening. An unseen claw grabbed onto her throat, chocking the life out of her, while air was vacuumed out of her lungs. Shepard struggled, yet it was nothing but a futile effort. Her world became darker and darker by the second, and the hiss was now deafeningly loud.

The vessel that had shot the Normandy returned. Its weapons were now aiming straight at her, powering up in an orange glow.

Shepard screamed, this time she heard herself as she snapped open her eyes. The vessel was gone, but the vast empty darkness was still in front of her with the stars twinkling from light-years away. Her hand snapped up to reach for the back of her neck where the leak on her suit was, only to feel the warmth of her skin and the softness of the pillow.

Shepard sucked in a shaky breath of cool air as her fingers traced down to her collarbone. Her mind slowly registered the absence of her armor, the presence of the pillow behind her head, and the panting sound of her own breaths.

She was alive.

Tearing her gaze from the dark space outside the window on the ceiling, Shepard sat up and ran a hand through her hair. Chambers might think it's relaxing to see the stars before falling asleep, but that's because she had never died from being spaced. The sheet tangled around her legs, Shepard kicked it away and sat on the edge of the bed, taking a moment to collect herself.

"Hey," she heard Kaidan calling her softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nightma-" she turned to answer, only to find the bed empty.

_Great, I'm going crazy..._ Shepard stared at the empty side of the bed for a long while. She missed her old life, her old team, her old ship. Above all, she missed him.

It had been a few hours since she had sent Kaidan that message, he should have gotten over the initial shock and replied by now. Shepard hurried to her terminal and checked her inbox. And there it was, a new message waiting for her, but a wave of disappointment washed over her when she saw the name of the sender: the Illusive Man.

Shepard slumped into the chair and stared blankly at the inbox.

_Things have changed... They have moved on..._ The Illusive Man's words once again rang inside her mind. Shepard shook her head and quieted the voice inside. Turning her attention to the picture on her desk, Shepard ran a finger along Kaidan's face. _Have you moved on? It's been two years, you should. And I should be happy for you, but... _To think he was with someone else, that sudden surge of biting bitterness was hard to ignore. _I need you, Kaidan. Now, more than ever._

If only her thought could summon him to her side.

Shepard tore herself away from the picture and headed to the bar on the lower deck. In between the nightmare that was her new life and the one that had haunted her in her dream, she needed a drink.

* * *

Location: Citadel Councilor's Office

Being summoned to an early morning meeting was nothing new to Kaidan. But in between the drinks he had had last night at the bar and the 0700 hour meeting, he needed some coffee.

Anderson was looking at a datapad when Kaidan arrived at his office. Judging from the grim look on the councilor's face, whatever he was reading, it was bad. Very bad.

"Good morning, Councilor."

The councilor looked up from the datapad and waved at the seat across from him. "Just in time, Commander. I have a new assignment for you."

Kaidan waited patiently for the details. A lovely face within picture frame on Anderson's desk called for his attention. Kaidan had seen this picture of Shepard and Anderson many times before, still he always found himself staring at it whenever he was in the councilor's office. It had been more than two years since the accident, and Shepard had never left his mind.

"I'm sending you to the Terminus Systems," Anderson told him. "To a colony named Horizon."

"Terminus Systems?" That was unexpected. The Alliance was not welcomed there.

Anderson nodded. "As you've heard, human colonies have gone missing. We have a tip Horizon is next. I've already authorized the construction of the GARDIAN turrets on the surface in case it's the Reapers."

Kaidan frowned at that term. "You think the Reapers are behind the abduction?"

"Intel all points to Cerberus. But something just doesn't add up."

"Cerberus?" That was a name he had not heard for a while. "What do they want with the colonists?"

"That's why you're there. To find out what's really going one, and find any evidence at all if it's related to the Reapers. The Reaper threat has been swept under the rug for too long. I don't like it. You and I both know Sovereign's just a vanguard, there are more of them. We need to find all evidences we can get to convince the rest of the Council members that the Reapers exist. It's time for them to stop burying their heads in the sand."

"Could Cerberus be working for the Reapers, like Saren did?"

"Anything is possible until we find out more." Anderson paused to transfer a file to Kaidan. "Officially, you are there for the 'outreach program', to provide your technical expertise to help with the construction of the turrets. You won't have any backup, but from what I've heard, the colony is generally very peaceful. I don't foresee any problems, unless..."

The councilor went quiet momentarily.

"Sir?"

Anderson studied him for another moment before he spoke again, "There is something you should know."

He didn't like the look on the councilor's face. To say Anderson looked troubled would be an understatement. And to disturb the most decorated soldier in the Alliance Navy to this extent, whatever news he was about to break had to be big. Kaidan wondered if he had the clearance to know.

"Yesterday, someone one tried to access Shepard's account."

Kaidan jolted slightly at Shepard's name. "Hackers?"

Anderson shook his head. "Whoever it was, they only tried three times, and all three times with the correct password."

Kaidan still remembered Shepard's password. It was not something that could be easily guess based on what they knew about the commander – not her birthday, not her birthplace. And it was long. Twenty-digit long. It was definitely not done by a random hacker. "Did they trace it back? Where did it come from?"

"A remote system, nowhere near any planet."

"So a ship or a space station," Kaidan reasoned. "But why would anyone try to get into Aerin's account? It's been closed for two years."

The scowl on Anderson's face only got worse. "This might be why." He reached for his terminal and brought up a vid, then turned his screen for Kaidan to see. "The Alliance Intel sent me this last night."

It was a security footage of the interior of a living quarter. The room was empty, there was nothing out of the ordinary. And then, he saw a woman entering the screen with a rifle in her hands, a man and another woman followed. The first woman turned to her companions, revealing her face to the camera. Kaidan's heart stopped a beat.

Anderson paused the vid and zoomed in onto the woman's face. Even though the quality of the vid was far from the best, those features were unmistakable. His eyes couldn't be any wider, he couldn't move, nor could he even blink. All he could do was to stare at the face in the screen, the very same face that had been in his dreams for the past two years.

Shepard was alive.

His Aerin was alive.

"...Can't be..." he heard himself mumbled.

But there she was, right in front of his eyes. Just when he had spent the past two years fighting tooth and nail to crawl out of the hold he had sunk in, just when he thought he had finally let her go and moved on with his life, she came back. Wounds that had barely been healed were once again ripped open.

His gaze settled on that familiar face within the picture frame on the desk. _If you're alive, where have you been all this time? Why haven't you come back to me? _Try as he might, that feeling of abandonment was hard to ignore._ I need you, Aerin, you should know that._

"Take a moment, Alenko. This is big. I know you two were close."

"You knew about us?"

"Think you two were the only ones who have ever broken that regs?" Anderson gave him a knowing glance. "Relax, son, I knew all along. You and Aerin were good together." The councilor paused as if he suddenly remembered something. "Has she contacted you?"

Kaidan shook his head. "No." _She should..._ He checked his messages on his omni-tool immediately in case Shepard had sent him an email while he was talking to Anderson, but there was none. Kaidan kept his disappointment in check. "No, not yet."

"Strange. If she's our Shepard, she would have contacted you of all people."

"...You mean, that's not Aerin?"

"We don't know. At this point, we have to consider all the possibilities. This might not be Shepard, but someone with facial reconstructive surgery to look just like her. Hell, or even a clone. Anything sounds more possible than coming back from dead." Anderson paused. "Of course, there's an off chance that this is our Aerin, and somehow she's survived. But if it is, then it's not good..."

"What do you mean?"

Anderson's expression darkened. "The Alliance Intel found that footage at a colony called Freedom's Press. The entire population went missing. Shepard arrived at the ghost town, for what, I don't know. Those she's with..." Anderson paused before he continued, "Intel said they're Cerberus."

Knowing Shepard might be alive had sent him to heaven, but hearing that she was with Cerberus had dropped him straight down to hell. "What?! No. That can't be true! Aerin would never join Cerberus! We fought them two years ago!"

"I know, Kaidan. I find it hard to believe too. Hell, it's even easier to believe that she's alive than she's with Cerberus." Anderson shook his head. "She was- is one of a kind, always has a good head on her shoulders. I hope that intel was wrong."

"It has to be wrong, sir! We know her. Aerin would never betray the Alliance; she'd never betray us. She's been with the Alliance her whole life for god's sake!"

"I hope you're right. I'll find out if this is the real Shepard soon enough."

"You have a plan, sir?" It didn't surprise Kaidan. Anderson always had some tricks up his sleeve; Shepard had learned that well from her mentor.

"Never mind that." Anderson waved a dismissive hand. "I need you to head to Horizon asap and set up the turrets before it's too late. And if Cerberus was really behind all this, and Shepard's with them... Prepare yourself."

Kaidan didn't like where this was heading. "If this is really Aerin, I can't shoot her even if she's with Cerberus." He had to admit now before he jeopardized the mission. "Sorry, sir. I won't."

"I don't want you to shoot her," said Anderson. "I want you to talk some sense into her. If anyone can get through to Shepard, it's you."

Another concern that came to his mind. "Does the Council know?"

Anderson nodded. "This is too big for me to cover. The Council thinks they might have another case of Saren."

Rogue Spectre? As much as he wanted to defend Shepard, he remembered she had gone rogue before by stealing the Normandy. But that was for a good reason. Joining Cerberus? No, she wouldn't do that.

"They're not sending another Spectre after her, are they?" Kaidan had to know. The Council had sent Shepard after Saren, and if they thought Shepard had gone rogue...

"No. Not yet. Shepard's official status is still dead. The last thing they want is to announce Shepard's alive and gone rogue. That's why we have to get Aerin back on our side before she makes a wrong move. I may be on the Council, but I'm one against three. I can't protect her for too long."

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"Focus on your mission, Alenko. Get ready to leave this evening. Your shuttle leaves at 1800 hour."

Kaidan could only nodded. He didn't know which was worse: To have a fake Shepard running around ruining her name, or the real Shepard was back and now joined the Cerberus.

The latter, he decided. If Shepard was an imposter, he could just kill her and protect Aerin's name. But if she was the real Shepard, his Aerin... Kaidan didn't even know what to think.

* * *

Location: Citadel Presidium

This outdoor cafe had a beautiful view, and he should enjoy it while he could before he left for Horizon. But Kaidan's eyes had been glued to the screen on his omni-tool the moment he had sat down. New messages kept coming in throughout the morning since he had left Anderson's office, but none was from Shepard.

Why hadn't he heard from her? For a hundredth time, he had to wonder.

_That woman might not even be Aerin_, Kaidan reminded himself as he absently reached for his drink – a cup of hot chocolate. What used to be Shepard's favorite had become his. The content was warm, rich, and sweet, very comforting, no wonder she liked it. Aerin would love their hot chocolate here.

"Is this seat taken?" An achingly familiar voice asked while his attention was still on his omni-tool.

Kaidan froze momentarily._ Aerin?_

He looked up, only to find the woman to be a friend of his whom he was meeting for lunch. The disappointment was too much to hide. He could have sworn he had heard Shepard's voice. _Must be going crazy..._

Lucky for him, his companion sat down without noticing his strange reaction. "Sorry I'm late. A girl came to our clinic when I was about to leave. She broke her ankle jumping off a flight of stairs pretending to be Commander Shepard."

Every road seemed to lead to Shepard today. Kaidan forced a faint smile. "I've never seen the commander jumping off the stairs."

"Oh, that's right, you've served with her. What was she like?"

Smart. Strong. Brave. Charming. Caring. Beautiful. The list went on. But in the end, Kaidan picked only one word to describe Shepard. "Perfect," he said quietly. "She was perfect."

_Tell me... What do you want right now? _Shepard's voice whispered inside his head. Deep down, he knew the answer. It had always been the same all these years.

_You._

* * *

Location: Citadel Dock

Kaidan was checking for new messages when the elevator arrived. Still no email from Shepard, he turned off his omni-tool and swallowed the disappointment.

The elevator wasn't empty. A man and a woman were in the middle of their conversation, seemingly oblivious to Kaidan's presence.

"Okay, here's another one," said the man. "Who's hotter? The commander or Miranda?"

That caught Kaidan's attention, not because of the topic, but someone was referred to as 'the commander.' While it could be anyone in any military in the galaxy, to him, those two words always reminded him of Shepard.

"You are such a pig, Kenneth," said the woman.

"What? It's just a question," the man protested. "I say Miranda. She has those... assets. Have you seen them?"

"Hard to miss them when they're bouncing in the breeze." The woman snorted. "I like the commander better. She doesn't need to flaunt her 'assets' in a catsuit. Her eyes are pretty; they're even more blue in person."

Not as pretty as _his_ commander's, Kaidan thought as the elevator stopped at his level. He exited without giving the conversation another thought.

"Aye, there's something about Shep—" the man's voice cut short by the closing door.

That stopped Kaidan dead in his tracks. He turned quickly but the elevator had already left.

_Did he just say Shepard? No... Can't be..._

His heart urged him to delay his flight and go search for Shepard. _Aimlessly_, his head reminded him, _and based on nothing but half a name which might not even be 'Shepard._'

Last time he had followed his head instead of his heart, he had left Shepard to die on the Normandy... Kaidan hesitated as memories surfaced. The fire, the smoke, the orange glow the flame had cast on her face, and her last words to him. _'I'll see you soon.'_

Soon had become never.

If only he had listened to his heart and stayed with Shepard, he might be able to save her.

Kaidan called for the elevator.

_You're on a mission, Alenko._ His hand paused before it touched the button. _The turrets have to be completed before another abduction takes place. Besides, if that woman was Aerin, she would have contacted you by now._

Fighting against the instinct that demanded him to find Shepard, Kaidan once again ignored his heart and followed his head, and continued his way to the docking bay. His new assignment awaited.

* * *

A/N: Flashback from Ch27 "Grounded", rewritten from Shepard's POV. I've to admit, I miss writing Shenko and those good old days. Thanks for reading!


End file.
